


Ukiyo

by Alch



Category: ONEUS (Band), ONEWE (Band)
Genre: Android!Youngjo | Ravn, Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Gen, Geonhak needs a hug too, The fic can be read without knowing the videogame, Youngjo needs a hug, alternative universe, detroit: become human!au
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-27
Updated: 2020-09-27
Packaged: 2021-03-07 23:53:59
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 28,257
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26546320
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Alch/pseuds/Alch
Summary: [Ukiyo - appraising the ephemerality of the world; living within transient moments of fleeting beauty].RV0095 is one of a kind. There’s no other model similar to him, programmed the same way, with the same purpose. Since the day this project was born, its creators held great hopes for it and if it was not an android, RV0095 could have physically felt the pressure of such high expectations on his artificial shoulders.It was born with the only purpose of finding an answer to a simple question: can an android be loved like an idol is? Can it be able to create that mix of emotion, of love and torment and frustration and abnegation inside people’s hearts like idols so easily do for their fans?Until now, the answers have been exceptional.
Relationships: Kim Geonhak | Leedo & Kim Youngjo | Ravn, Kim Youngjo | Ravn & Everyone, Kim Youngjo | Ravn & Jin Yonghoon, Kim Youngjo | Ravn & Yeo Hwanwoong, ONEUS family, ONEWE family, Son Dongju | Xion & Son Dongmyeong, WEUS family
Comments: 4
Kudos: 44
Collections: WEUS Harvest Moon Fest





	1. chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> A big thank you to the mods for organizing such a wonderful event! It was a pleasure to join it!  
> And my most sincere thank you to my beta for helping me with such a big work. I seriously don't deserve you, antheeia ♥
> 
> I hope you will enjoy this fic as much I enjoyed writing it~  
> As I said, it's not necessary to know "Detroit: Become Human" canon to understand the fic - the references to that universe are really small. I tried to stay as faithful as I can to what we know about WEUS ^_^

_Ukiyo (浮世). Japanese / n. / ʊk.iːjəʊ / ook-ee-oh. Lit floating/drifting world;_   
_appraising the ephemerality of the world;  
living within transient moments of fleeting beauty._

The serious way Hwanwoong’s forehead furrows is something ONEUS know well. As they stare at him, someone drinking, someone from their lying position on the floor already tired, they all know that he isn’t satisfied with something at the moment. 

Generally, it could be a step in the choreography. The boys are used to the need for perfection and satisfaction that Hwanwoong seeks from the choreography they do for their songs ― surely that’s not the first time they see him torment himself in search of that small detail or change that would make an entire section smoother or more impactful. 

This time, though, it’s not about that. This time there’s a completely different reason for Hwanwoong’s lips being tightened in a thin line, something maybe even more frustrating than his usual problems. Youngjo is late. For the third time this week, the umpteenth since they officially started working on the choreography for their next comeback. Whether the others headed out from the dorm before him or they all left together, for some reason there was always something slowing Youngjo down and he would come to the practice room when Hwanwoong had already lost his temper and started practicing without him.

Of course, once he was there, the older member caught up with everything the others had already done in no time, and no one was actually worried that he would be left behind or put the performance in jeopardy. And yet, that slight change in their routine was enough to make Hwanwoong feel agitated and by extension all the others, even more because it was such a delicate moment. 

«I’m sorry,» Youngjo starts, even before his body actually crosses the doorstep. «I know I’m late, again, when I said I would make it on time today. Manager-nim wanted to discuss with me about some particulars and…»

Youngjo’s reasons are always credible but never too specific. The members are used to it and they rarely try to get more details by asking questions unless it’s Youngjo the one giving them more information when it’s about some changes in their schedule or official communications from above.

«It’s okay hyung, we just started...» Hwanwoong reassures him, relieved by the fact that he’s finally come, and takes position. «We can start from the beginning ― a bit after the start there’s a point of the choreography that keeps bothering me.»

Youngjo nods, frowning a little with a focused face as he moves behind the younger member, in his starting position. When the music starts again it’s easy for the boys to fall back into the routine of their practice ― when they dance, they become one body, paying attention to the smallest things, meticulous and determined to carry through their job in the most perfect way possible. There’s no room for external worries, for that tiny vague doubt yet again unsolved about the reason why Youngjo keeps being late over and over again. 

Youngjo is fine with that. He could easily make up some possible excuses to satisfy their questions, but he prefers not to. “Prefer” is actually not the right word. Youngjo can’t “prefer” anything, that’s something that by definition belongs to humans.

He wasn’t _programmed_ to feel emotions or have personal opinions outside what's logical. And preferences are not logical. But he could agree that lying is considered wrong by the human moral compass, and being programmed to emulate humans in each and every aspect, Youngjo must follow those unwritten laws even if he doesn’t share with humans the instinct ruling them.

So lying is wrong. And Youngjo is authorized to do that only if it is necessary to preserve the secret about his nature. Even so, he tries to do it as little as possible: in his many years of activity, he observed more and more times how the simplest, clearest things can become complex when humans deal with them. Being authorized to lie would not save him from having to deal with unpleasant reactions in case those lies were discovered.

In the end, it’s a matter of caution. So that no one will be hurt.

Hurt. Youngjo focuses on that word one fraction of a second too many. Something appears before his eyes, too fast even for his circuits, and disappears before he could understand what it is. He hopes Hwanwoong’s attentive eyes haven't caught his subtle hesitation in the next step of the choreography and focuses on that again not to have any other problem.

Such a small anomaly, although it has to be recorded, doesn’t need to be immediately reported. Even though it is not the first time some of his circuits record impulses he can’t logically explain, small malfunctions he hasn’t been able to determine the cause of, even after running a diagnostic and analyzing all the possible data. 

That is the reason why Youngjo was late this time. His weekly maintenance check lasted longer than expected ― there was a heavy amount of data that needed to be deleted from his archives, classified as cache and deleted permanently. That doesn’t bother Youngjo anyway. Useless data would only slow down his system, stopping him from performing his function in the best possible way. That’s all. As long as a simple routine check can solve this kind of problem, Youngjo doesn’t have any questions to ask. 

«Oh, that’s the part I was talking about,» Hwanwoong interrupts his thinking, stopping the choreography.

Youngjo is quick to rewind their last steps in his mind. Sometimes he tried to predict the kind of comment the dancer was about to do, based on all his previous ones, but that’s something really difficult to do, so for now he just waits for Hwanwoong to explain to him what he is thinking about. 

And if he could feel any sense of surprise, Youngjo would say that the boy surprises him once again.

RV0095 is one of a kind. There’s no other model similar to him, programmed the same way, with the same purpose. Since the day this project was born, its creators held great hopes for it and if it was not an android, RV0095 could have physically felt the pressure of such high expectations on his artificial shoulders.

It was born with the only purpose of finding an answer to a simple question: can an android be loved like an idol is? Can it be able to create that mix of emotion, of love and torment and frustration and abnegation inside people’s hearts like idols so easily do for their fans? 

Until now, the answers have been exceptional.

RV0095 was activated and introduced secretly at the RBW when the agency started holding auditions to debut a new group. Its true nature was shared only with the CEO and a few trustworthy men; for everyone else, it was just Kim Youngjo, rapper, dancer and after a few years, finally a member of ONEUS. 

Since then, every public reaction to his persona has been monitored. RV0095 has in its storage all the information it needs to make the best decision in every situation related to an idol life he could have to deal with, and until now his secret has never been put at risk, proving once again its creators’ promising theory.

An android can be an idol. 

Not even the increased frequency of their checks turned off the enthusiasm of those men. After all, they kept considering it a simple routine, a mere precaution due to the problems several androids were experiencing in the United States, a practical way to prevent the same kind of problem from happening here, jeopardizing years of research and collecting data.

RV0095 hasn’t shown any sign of deviation, anyway. Everything is under control.

***

_“Another night of violence and devastations shocked several districts in the upper city. Police’s response was fast and yet officers were not able to capture the leader of the small group of rebels. Anyway, authorities reassured the citizens: no curfew will be settled ― everyone can continue to live their routine in total safety. Potential new disorders will be kept under control and taken down by the police without this becoming a concern for the citizens’ lives.”_

Dongju, with his head on Seoho’s thighs, listens to the foreign news correspondent with silent interest. Seoho can tell how concerned Dongju is by looking at the few lines wrinkling his face. That realization bothers him more than usual. He didn’t give much weight to the news coming from the U.S.A. ― they’ve been talking about it for several weeks now, but the situation never escalated beyond some nocturnal vandalizations and a few mildly injured people, who were just in the wrong place at the wrong time. After all, androids are just machines, and as such they could have bugs and malfunctionings. It's nothing more than that ― probably a glitch in the system, something hard to fix but with a simple scientific explanation. Everything else is just people speculating, the human mind making up stories by using its lively imagination, and Seoho’s just not like that.

«Are you worried?» 

Youngjo has joined them in the room without the two boys realizing it, so they both turn their heads jerky toward him when he speaks. 

At first, Youngjo wasn't sure about the right way to show people around him that he knew how they were feeling. His instructions were simple ― to imitate human beings in the most accurate way possible ― and yet during most of the tests he went under, his reactions were too direct or too exaggerated, making the android lose confidence in his relational skills. Assuming it could be called “confidence” anyway.

After some months Youngjo learned how to dose his reactions, without exaggerating and building for himself a role that was the closest possible to a real personality, like one of the researchers working on him suggested to do during one of his routine checks.

So now the fact that Youngjo can easily understand how the other ONEUS members are feeling is nothing strange. After all, Keonhee can do that almost as well as him and Youngjo is sure he's not an android.

«Don't you think it's scary?» Dongju asks ― his voice is serious like every time he's talking about something important, and he's using that particular tone that always manages to surprise the ones who don't know him when and mistakes his young age for immaturity. «What if the same thing begins to happen here too? They're saying androids are losing their minds, that they are becoming violent ― what if it happens to us too?»

Seoho and Youngjo seem to think about Dongju’s words for some moments. They both know what the younger boy means ― an android out of control would be really difficult if not impossible to face: he could easily overcome a single person, even more than one maybe. Dongju is not wrong for being at least concerned by that situation, even more since several androids are working inside RBW studios.

«I don't think it will happen here,» Keonhee barges in, stepping into the room with a pensive face that somehow makes him look even younger.

«And why not?» is Dongju’s quick reply ― for some reason Keonhee’s confidence upsets him as if he was invalidating his worries.

«Because we know the agency's androids! They would never hurt us nor go insane like what is happening in America!»

«And how can you be so sure about that? Maybe those androids were good like ours before snapping!»

«Keonhee’s got fond of them, you know it,» murmurs Seoho, hitting Dongju’s chest softly to calm him down and just receiving an angry look from the younger boy. Keonhee treating the androids as if they were human beings is not exactly news, nor the fact that Seoho finds that thing really stupid. For him, it would be like being gentle with a computer. He would never hurt them, of course, but he can’t understand why he should do more than showing them the basic respect owed to any existing thing in this world.

«I would protect you, Ju.»

Youngjo’s words are not exactly out of place, nor are they something uncommon that the boys would see coming from Youngjo. And yet they feel weird so everyone turns towards him surprised. They felt some kind of urgency in those words as if the danger was close and Youngjo must be prepared to protect the maknae right now. 

Dongju smiles, the bickering with Keonhee already forgotten. He could tease Youngjo and use one of his venomous jokes with him, but Youngjo’s reaction is really of comfort and so he simply thanks him.

«Ugh, there’s too much sentimentalism in this conversation, I'll go take a shower,» Seoho cuts it short, now free from the maknae since Dongju got up to hug Youngjo.

Everyone knows that it's just for show, though, so they follow Seoho’s figure with their gazes until he disappears into the bathroom and then they laugh. Everyone but Youngjo. While he’s still holding Dongju ― because Dongju’s hug can last minutes, he measured them since he noticed they tend to last longer than normal hugs ― Youngjo realizes that something is wrong. When Dongju lets him go, Youngjo’s face is painted with worry. Assuming that androids could feel any kind of worry, of course. 

«...Hyung?» Keonhee calls him, surprised, but for a few moments there’s no reply.

In the android’s circuits the quickest impulses are piling up and the system doesn’t seem to be able to recognize and process them, creating a cascade of errors that isolates Youngjo from what is happening around him. That’s something that shouldn’t happen ― Youngjo was programmed so that he could deal with more than one process at once ― because it would be a risk for his cover. And yet, if possible, right now Youngjo is not aware of what’s happening to him.

«Hyung? Are you okay?» 

This time Dongju is speaking, also alarmed by the older’s reaction.

The tactile stimulation Youngjo feels on his arm, where the maknae’s hand is holding him, takes the android back to what surrounds him. And that confuses him even more. Surprised by his own reaction, Youngjo stares at Dongju without being able to answer him, just slowly nodding. 

Suddenly he feels the urgency to be alone, to have a few minutes to analyze everything logically, without having to worry about which is the most normal and suitable reaction to have or how the other will interpret it.

«Everything’s okay,» Youngjo murmurs — his circuits record the way his voice is weaker than usual, but that information slips somehow among the irrelevant data without the android being able to do something about it. «I just need some fresh air,» he adds, stealing a common human saying.

Youngjo doesn’t really need air to live. But this is the first time he actually means it.

«Do you want some company? Maybe Geonhak-hyung or Woong-ie hyung?» 

Youngjo shakes his head immediately, almost scared, before Dongju can even think about moving or doing something. He should have expected the boy to react that way ― after all Dongju takes care of them all, but that’s another detail his analysis missed, the umpteenth of a long list. A sandcastle suddenly falling down, leaving him with no shape.

«There’s no need. I won’t stay out for long. Do you want me to buy you something at the convenience store?»

That question is finally a good move ― for a while it distracts the younger members from Youngjo’s problem, making it grow so much smaller that the possibility of getting free snacks becomes everything they can think of. Youngjo thinks he might have learned what “sighing in relief” means since the first time he’s been activated. 

«Ice-cream!» Dongju and Keonhee scream at the same time — the maknae grabs on to the android’s arm as if he needed to beg him to get what he wanted. 

Youngjo smiles and caresses Dongju gently on the head. Then he makes sure to grab his wallet and cellphone before leaving the apartment. Once he’s outside, his pace becomes faster without him being able to stop himself. If someone were looking at him right now, they could think Youngjo was running away from something, and the more his speed increases the more the android feels like he must put as much distance between himself and the other members as possible. Between himself and whatever error occurred in his system a few minutes before.

When Youngjo stops, it takes him a few seconds to realize where he is. The first thing his system registers is that the android is exactly 2 kilometers and 322 meters from their apartment. That distance has been covered in 5 minutes and 07 seconds, which means that he ran 27,228 kilometers per hour. The footspeed world record right now is 44.72 kilometers per hour, while the Olympic world record is 37,52 km/h, so he probably didn’t draw anyone’s attention since he didn’t break that record, even though he ran faster than the average human speed. That also means Youngjo didn’t violate his order about not revealing that he’s an android through words or actions. 

Realizing that makes Youngjo feel some relief. But it’s exactly that relief, like the worries he felt a few minutes before, that creates new errors in his system. Being an android, Youngjo shouldn’t know what “relief” is, and yet he can’t find another way to express the errors coming in quick succession among his circuits. And he felt the same way before, when the instinctive need to protect Dongju suddenly filled every synthetic fiber of his body, resetting every function that wasn’t aimed at the wellbeing of his fellow group members. 

_An internal diagnostic could point out the problem so that I can find a quick solution to it,_ Youngjo thinks as he starts running a control through his whole system, once he’s sitting on a bench, hoping for no one to notice him. He would probably be safer in his room at the dorm, but there’s nothing he can do to fix that assessment error now. Anyway, it’s dark enough that his chances to be recognized are statistically low ― and if he was in danger he could have rapidly deactivated the synthetic fluid covering his body and giving his face the features everyone knew so that only his anonymous android face would remain. That was his last resource, but it would still be justified by the order he received.

The diagnostic takes 7 minutes and 36 seconds to be completed. A really long time compared to the rapid performances Youngjo is used to, which leaves the android with new questions, even more when the diagnostic shows no malfunctions or bugs of any kind in the system. 

«This is wrong,» Youngjo murmurs to himself. «I’m certain there was some kind of error in the processing of the sensorial stimulation. I got internal responses that lack sense.»

Running a second diagnostic is as useless as the first, except that it takes even more time, showing the same disappointing final results. So Youngjo gives up and simply fills a report with the few data he has, booking a new check for the next morning, before practices. 

«Woong-ie will be angry with me if I’ll be late once again this time,» he sighs, getting up and heading back with an average pace, calm and controlled.

As time passes, he doesn’t have the feeling that something is off anymore ― unlike when he was with the boys or later when he tried to understand what had happened. Now that he reported the problem it feels like everything has returned to normal. The android has regained full control over all his functions and reactions and is fully aware of everything happening around him. 

_«Nothing more than a bug in the system.»_

One of the scientists that work on him once told him that. His central memory replays that voice almost automatically ― it’s an answer to the android’s last doubts and it seems to definitely put an end to the android’s analysis on the matter. That wouldn’t be the first time he hears those words anyway, especially in the last few months: Youngjo actually had a few small problems already, bugs or system errors in the reception and elaboration of external data, but nothing that a routine check couldn’t fix anyway. That’s what will happen this time too, Youngjo has no doubt about it. 

The convenience store he decides to stop by to get the ice-cream he promised Dongju and Keonhee is one of those the members go grocery shopping more frequently. It is open 24/7 and that’s why Youngjo doesn’t check the time before coming in, greeting the clerk politely.

He wanders around, among the few shelves of the place, looking at the different food choices the shop manages to offer although it is not that big ― even though he knows where the ice-creams are, the android wastes some time looking at all the different types of snacks: Woong-ie and Seoho can be really childish when it’s about not being included in that kind of treats and Youngjo doesn’t want to cause any kind of fuss right now, not even for a joke. Geonhak, on the other hand, is really difficult to please when it’s about snacks and sweets since there aren’t many things he likes. Luckily, Youngjo memorized the perfect combination of flavors that could appeal to him the most. That’s why, after not more than a minute of searching (57 seconds, to be precise) he selects the best option for Geonhak too and easily moves to the ice-creams. Keonhee and Dongju are the easiest ones to satisfy and Youngjo goes straight to the point, no doubt about the flavor choice, before moving to the cash register to pay.

One of the easiest, most useful functions his body has is the one allowing Youngjo to regulate his skin temperature as he wishes. While the internal temperature is subjected to a more restricted control ― since some circuits can be really sensitive to high or low degrees ― the epidermal one can be easily changed. That allows Youngjo to cool down the hand that is holding the ice-creams so that they won’t melt too much while he walks back to the dorm.

The enthusiasm and affection the “little ones” show him when Youngjo finally steps in the apartment is the right reward for all the struggles the android went through in the last hour. There’s still something feeling slightly off ― a bland sensation that, after searching for a definition in his vocabulary, Youngjo could call “annoyance” (assuming he could ever feel that). But this time, there is no curiosity to understand what it is ― he simply records that new data, as if it didn’t matter at all. It would only be another element to consider when he will fill the report before the routine check, next morning. 

Nothing more.

«Hyung!»

«I made it on time. I’m perfectly on time today!»

The serious look Hwanwoong gives him doesn’t last more than a few seconds. Then the dancer sighs and falls on the floor, taking a break from the stretching exercises he started doing with the other while waiting for the oldest member to come.

«One day you will tell us what you and manager-nim are conspiring every day,» he mutters, making everyone laugh for the way he’s pouting now. 

Youngjo too breaks into a small laugh. He’s not too alarmed by what Hwanwoong said, he knows there’s no way he would find out his secret. 

«Being the oldest comes with its share of responsibilities every now and then,» he complains, pretending to be burdened by his role and dramatically falling down like Hwanwoong just did.

«Aaah! Breathe!!» Dongju yells, jumping on Youngjo and mimicking a sudden CPR with a giggle.

Everyone’s laughs get mixed with the suffering noises Youngjo makes as he tries to escape from the maknae’s hold, wiggling out of it and being immediately blocked by Seoho and Hwanwoong when he tries to get up again. Reacting to that kind of external stimulation has become really easy for the android and now he just acts automatically to it. He laughs and whines, pretending he’s struggling a lot, giving the others a reason to play even harder on him. Apparently, that’s something that they enjoy a lot and if it makes them happy then Youngjo is fine with it ― taking care of them is one of his duties, after all.

«Hyung…?» he hears Keonhee calling him a few moments later. Youngjo doesn’t know if it’s because that voice is suddenly really serious or because everyone is being quiet and catching their breaths after the sudden attack, but suddenly Keonhee’s voice is the only thing he can hear now. 

«Are you okay now? Yesterday you seemed… you seemed troubled by one thought too many…»

Youngjo looks at Keonhee without understanding what he means. Did he do something wrong the night before? If Keonhee is still mentioning it, it means that his behavior somehow left a big impression on him, and yet as the android rewinds all the memories he has about last night, he can’t find a single reason why the younger boy or any other member should be concerned about him. 

«Of course I am okay! I was okay yesterday too, there’s nothing you have to worry about, Keonhee,» Youngjo reassures him, with the warmest and most familiar tone he can make.

Keonhee looks at him, the doubt still painted on his face and Youngjo realizes that Hwanwoong and Dongju have the same expression. Seoho and Geonhak are more difficult to read, but beyond the indifferent faces they are showing Youngjo can definitely see something else, as if they were not at ease, struggling not to show their true feelings.

«I promise you,» Youngjo insists and he tries to be as sincere as possible to convince them. Even with all the experience, he has gained in the time spent with his members, Youngjo can’t find a single moment in the past day that could have led them to be this worried about him. 

Youngjo looks them in the eyes, one after the others, without letting his smile fade away. Then he gets up, reaching out for Keonhee so that he does the same.

«I’m perfectly okay and nothing is troubling me right now,» he says once again and finally sees a small smile widen the other boy’s lips. «Now let’s go back to work before Woong-ie kicks our asses,» he adds, laughing when the dancer looks at him offended.

Once again, just like any other time, when the music starts the boys change: there’s no more worry nor thought except for the notes playing one after the other and the steps of the choreography to match to the song filling the air in the room.

Youngjo finds himself thinking that the scientist doing the check on him that morning was right: human beings can really be incomprehensible sometimes, they worry for nothing and react excessively if compared to the thing actually happening. That morning ONEUS proved him they are like any other human. 

***

Youngjo doesn't need to breathe.  
Androids don't need to breathe.  
All their internal functions are controlled by circuits.  
They don't have blood, there is no oxygen nor a heart pumping it to every part of the body.  
The lack of air doesn't represent a problem. 

And yet right now Youngjo can't think about anything but the fact that he's not breathing and that such a useless action is the reason why every circuit in his body has stopped working, frozen, paralyzed. There's nothing he can do but stare at the blood in front of him with his eyes wide open, and not breathing.

«Hyung! Hyung, it's okay! Hyung! I'm okay!» 

Hwanwoong’s voice seems to reach him from far away, so distant that the android’s system doesn't record it. If he could get a grip on what was happening, Youngjo would know that multiple errors are occurring all at once, in a cascade effect that is turning off every single internal function, starting from the motion system and reaching the cognitive one. But Youngjo can't think right now ― he's barely aware of his own synthetic body.

«We n-need...» he whispers. His voice is so low that the boys around him almost miss it. 

«You need to breathe, hyung,» Seoho says firmly, as he grabs the android by his shoulders and makes him turn towards him. If he wanted to, Youngjo could be strong enough to not let Seoho move his body an inch, but now he's like a puppet with no strings attached and Seoho can do whatever he wants to him. 

«Keonhee went to get the first aid kit. Woong-ie is okay, the cut is only superficial, there's just a lot of blood, but it's not serious.»

«Human beings should not bleed,» the android murmurs, as if he didn't listen to Seoho words at all. The other doesn't pay too much attention to the weird way he talked ― he supposes Youngjo is in shock and can't think straight, and that's enough to justify it.

He keeps holding him by his shoulders, trying to make him look away from the blood still streaming down Hwanwoong’s face, no matter how much the dancer is trying to stop it by using his hoodie’s sleeve, waiting for Keonhee to bring what he needs. 

Youngjo didn't see it happening. At that moment, the choreography brought him on one side of the formation, ready to start singing his part and with his back to the others, while Hanwoong and Geonak were finishing the dance break, a complex sequence of steps that involved sudden moves, mostly with the upper body and arms. Geonhak missed his tempo while doing that and hit Hwanwoong right in the face with his elbow.

It was the dancer's scream to drag his attention and when Youngjo turned, hearing the thud of Hwanwoong’s body falling down made him freeze on the spot, unable to take a single step when the blood started wetting everything. Everything just stopped and Youngjo couldn't function anymore, as if someone had ripped the thirium pump1 right from his chest, turning off all these processes. 

«Lee Keonhee!!» Geonhak yells exasperated when finally the boy comes back in the room with the kit.

«Sorry, sorry, I couldn't find it!» he apologizes, visibly upset by all that is happening, as he puts down the kit. Then he hands out some disinfectant and cotton wool to the other with shaking movements.

«This will sting, but I need to clear the cut before putting some bend on it, so hang in there for a moment, okay?» 

Hwanwoong takes his hand off his face and looks at Geonhak for the first time after the accident ― Geonhak has never been so pale and his movements, as he starts touching Hwanwoong’s skin with the cotton wool, are gentle but also unsteady, betraying his worry. 

In this situation, Hwanwoong is probably the calmest ― he jumps when he feels the burning sensation on his skin and Dongju instinctively holds his hands to give him strength, but Hwanwoong is not worried for himself. He can feel his skin hurting and pulsing where it got hit, but that’s not the first he gets hurt and he is more worried because of his friends’ reaction. Hwanwoong caresses Dongju’s hand with his thumb without being able to turn his head and check if he can calm him down a bit, and move his eyes from Geonhak to Youngjo to see how badly they are dealing with the situation. 

«It was not your fault ― that part of the choreography needs to be changed, it’s too stuffed for people to follow it and the risk for this kind of accidents is too high,» Hwanwoong says, trying to reassure Geonhak ― he doesn't need to be an expert to see the guilt painted on the rapper’s face. 

«Hyung?» he talks again, now calling for Youngjo. «Hyung, are you okay? It’s just some blood, it doesn’t hurt that much,» he adds.

Hwanwoong wasn’t expecting that kind of reaction from Youngjo. To be honest, Hwanwoong never thought the sight of blood could paralyze the oldest one like that and he has to admit that seeing Youngjo reacting that way somehow scares him more than the accident itself. Youngjo has always been present, always caring with everyone, he’s the biggest support of the group ― seeing him struggling feels wrong somehow, it shakes the ground under Hwanwoong’s feet. 

That's why the second Geonhak is done with placing two big band-aids on the cut, Hwanwoong sprints over, crawling to where Seoho let Youngjo sit, the older still staring at the void without saying a thing and barely aware of their presence around him.

«Hyung, look at me. Hyung, hey, look at me.»

No embarrassment can stop Hwanwoong from trying to drag Youngjo’s attention in any way possible, and when the dancer sees his gaze is still unfocused and that he probably didn’t heard his words at all, he brings both his hands on Youngjo's face, holding it gently and caressing his cheeks with his thumbs.

«It's just a scratch. See? Nothing that a band-aid can’t cover up.»

For a few more seconds Hwanwoong’s eyes stare at the emptiness of Youngjo’s gaze, so far away from that room. Being so close to him, though, makes him also see the moment when the older comes back to his senses and his eyes finally look at the dancer right in front of him.

«Woong...» he whispers as his fingers run to Hwanwoong’s face, touching the smooth of the band-aids with some hesitation.

Now that Youngjo is more aware of what happened, his central system is fast to analyze what he’s looking at. Hwanwoong is right to say that it’s nothing serious ― the cut is only superficial and the blood loss was minimal. The next thing the android is aware of, though, is how much worse that accident could have been if Geonhak had hit the dancer only a few millimeters on the left. His mind is quick to find all the possible consequences based on the angle and the intensity of the hit, and what they all have in common is the high risk for the eye if it was hit. 

The android feels his whole body stop as if it was held by some invisible force. He pulls back his hand as if he was suddenly worried he could hurt the boy and looks at Geonhak, now cleaning the blood stains on the light parquet in the room.

«You should have been more careful!»

Everyone turns, shocked by those words, by the seriousness in them, by the angry tone Youngjo used, looking right at Geonhak. Geonhak stops moving and for some moments he just stares at Youngjo as if he was hit by a slap in the face. 

«Hyung...» he murmurs but nothing follows that ― he has so many thoughts in his mind he can’t translate them in words.

«Youngjo-hyung! I’ve already told him it wasn’t his fault ― that part of the choreography is too messy, this could have happened to any of us!» Hwanwoong barges in, hurt by the fact that Youngjo is accusing Geonhak, even though he must know how bad he is feeling already.

«I messed with the tempo, I’m sorry. I didn’t think I would hit him, I didn’t see him-»

«If you had worked harder you wouldn't have made this mistake and this wouldn't have happened! What if you had hit Hwanwoong right in the eye? What would we have done?»

Geonhak trembles, struck by the same realization that alarmed Youngjo so much, the same fear that is making the older react like that now ― in the most irrational way for an android. 

«I- I...» 

Guilt is like a tight hold around the rapper’s neck. It feels like he suddenly can’t think. The fear for what could have happened is mixed with a wave of instinctive anger towards Youngjo. He wishes it wasn’t Youngjo the one accusing him, anyone but Youngjo, because Youngjo has always been the one protecting him with his kindness and affection and even if he is right now, even if Geonhak knows he has all the reasons to do so, being accused by him hurts twice.

«That’s enough now!» 

Dongju’s voice breaks the impasse the boys are trapped in and drags everyone’s attention on him. The maknae stood up and now he’s looking at them with a strict gaze, offended by their behavior.

«Youngjo-hyung is just scared because of what happened, he isn’t really mad at Geonhak-hyung. And Geonhak-hyung just made a mistake like every one of us does every day. Yes, Woong-ie-hyung could have been hurt more than this, but thankfully that didn’t happen and thinking about what could have been is stupid and will only do more harm, so enough now.»

This is not the first time Dongju shows how mature he is when it’s about facing a serious or delicate situation and yet being calmed down by the maknae of the group leaves some impression upon the other members every time, including now. Youngjo feels like he’s finally able to think straight after hearing those words, as if the sudden heat that was stopping his circuits from working has been finally turned down ― now every function started working again as if nothing had happened.

But what did actually happen? Why did Youngjo have such an exaggerated reaction? Why did he attack Geonhak like that, when supporting him has always been one of his duties? And why does he feel so strange now, as if he could feel guilty or sorry for what he said...? He _can’t_ , he wasn’t programmed to feel emotions. His system knows human emotions only as definitions in his personal vocabulary, external information that he saved in his memory and nothing more. He can’t _experience_ them, no matter what is happening around him.

And yet something happened. He reacted in the most illogical way. In the absence of any other way to explain it, Youngjo would say that he was scared and that fear clouded his judgment and made him act by instinct. And he could also say that he’s feeling the same fear right now, because he doesn’t understand what happened to him, no matter how many diagnostics he could run. He can’t explain how he malfunctioned nor how he can fix that bug.

This is _the first time_ that something like that happens to Youngjo and he feels like he suddenly lost his way, lacking a direction to follow, a purpose to act according to.

«I’m… sorry...» he says, but he’s not actually thinking about those words ― he is analyzing once again what he did since he stopped acting according to logic, since whatever bug is affecting him started shutting down his circuits and made him react the wrong way.

And all of a sudden his central memory plays Dongju’s words in his mind, as if they could be the key to solve the problem.

_«What if the same thing begins to happen here too? They're saying androids are losing their minds, that they are becoming violent ― what if it happens to us too?»_

Is he losing his mind? With the data he has collected, that’s the only conclusion he can come to right now. He is losing his mind. Androids don’t act following logic anymore and become violent, he saw that happening on the news and now he attacked Geonhak for no reason. What if that happened to him too? What if he became violent? What if these were the moments before the bug takes control over him...?

Once again the feeling of not being able to breathe freezes him and Youngjo is suddenly sure that it is happening right now, that he is about to go insane and hurt them all. He promised he would protect Dongju, that he would protect everyone if something went wrong, but now how can he protect them from himself?

Youngjo closes his eyes tight and doesn’t realize he started trembling.

«Hyung!»

Seoho’s hand grabs his arm strongly, but Youngjo tries to slip away from that contact with even more strength, taking a few steps back. He has to go away and calm down, he has to regain control over his system and ask for another check, he has to make sure he’s not putting his boys in danger.

«I need- I need to get some fresh air,» he says ― and without waiting for an answer he gets out of the room, stumbling, confused like never before.

«It’s a shame neither this building nor the dorm has a rooftop with a balcony from where we could watch the stars, don’t you think? Sure, this balcony is big enough for us to lay down and watch the clouds, but it’s not high enough and the sight is not as beautiful as it would be on a rooftop… such a shame...»

Youngjo is startled by Yonghoon’s voice breaking the silence. Lost in his thoughts, searching for a solution to his problem, he has almost nullified his perception of every external stimulus unless something comes closer than a meter to him. When he turns, on Yonghoon’s face there's a gentle smile, not too big but extremely kind.

Even with all the confusion he is feeling, Youngjo can recognize it ― it’s a smile Yonghoon shares only with the people he truly loves, that has been directed to ONEWE or ONEUS a lot of times, usually when they couldn’t see it. The fact that it’s directed to him now, without being hidden in any way, makes the android realize that Yonghoon knows what happened and is worried about him.

«Dongju told you everything, uh?» he asks, not looking at him now but staring at the view in front of them, partially blocked by the railing, from his sitting position on the floor, where he has been for a while now.

Yonghoon takes some steps forward until he reaches the railing and lays against it, not too far away from the android. He doesn’t know why, but Youngjo is relieved by the fact that from that position the singer can’t look at him ― sometimes he feels almost naked under Yonghoon’s gaze, the only one older than him among the member of the two groups, and now there are already too many things happening to him, he doesn’t have the strength to hide his reaction from Yonghoon too. 

«Actually, Dongmyeong-ie met Hwanwoong-ie by chance and saw the band-aids. After that, finding out what happened wasn’t too difficult...» ONEWE’s leader explains with ease.

Youngjo can picture the scene as if it was happening before his eyes. He doesn’t know if he likes it or not, something makes him nervously shift on the spot as if he was bothered by his own existence.

«How do you feel?»

No matter how well Youngjo can say he knows Yonghoon, after having worked with him for years now, that question still surprises him. He would have expected Yonghoon to ask what happened or why he had reacted the way he did, but the leader took a completely different direction, worrying for the one having at least part of the fault in all that story. 

Youngjo takes some time to think about the answer. He shouldn’t feel anything at all, he should know exactly what to say because they taught him the most suitable human reaction for a really huge range of situations, but this time he doesn’t want to use one of those anonymous replies ― this question is his and his alone, to answer to it as he thinks it’s the best. And maybe staying silent, without having an answer for once, could be considered a feeling as well, something as valid as any possible word coming out from his mouth. 

«I don’t think it’s wrong to worry about the others,» Yonghoon starts talking again as if he had read his mind and acted accordingly. «And we are just human beings, we can’t always control our reactions.»

 _I’m not a human being though_ , Youngjo thinks instinctively, and for the first time even that simple observation makes him feel something, a vague sense of gloom and inadequacy that he never felt before, at least not related to the thought of him being an android.

«That doesn’t justify nor authorize us to hurt others,» he argues, trying to push away the effect of that damn bug and to reply to Yonghoon’s words in the most logical way ― after all, besides what happened now, the android has always found talking about the human nature with someone that could go beyond is synthetic limits fascinating.

«You’re right, it doesn’t. But it allows us not to be too hard on ourselves after understanding what we did wrong. I don’t think Geonhak is mad at you or that he won’t accept your apologies, even more considering how close you two are.»

Youngjo nods before even realizing it. He understands that he has always thought the same, that he never believed that the accident could actually undermine his relationship with Geonhak for good ― leaving the room was something he needed to do for himself, to find some clearance and calm down. He isn’t scared to face Geonhak ― there is no concrete reason for him to delay their confrontation but the mere realization that sitting there alone is somehow comforting. 

«You are just worried about your boys. And you’re stressed for the comeback ― snapping the way you did is not that weird and the others know that too. They are just worried about you the same way you are worried about them. You all care for each other the same way.»

As he talks, Yonghoon turns toward Youngjo, bending on his knees to match the other boy’s height, Youngjo still sitting on the floor. The android finally looks back at him without being scared by the weird strength Yonghoon’s eyes can hold and it’s almost pleasant to be welcomed by the sincere affection he reads in them. He isn’t exactly surprised to see how much Yonghoon cares about him, but something happens in the android’s chest when the older smiles at him, reaching out with a hand to help him get up. 

«I think… I think I am afraid,» he can finally confess as he takes that hand and stands up.

Yonghoon nods ― he knows that kind of fear too well.

«I don’t want them to get hurt, I don’t want them to have problems or struggles. I want them to be happy and be okay and have fun even when practices and schedules keep us so busy and stress us a lot. Is it wrong?»

That is the simplest most naive question the android has ever asked. As he speaks, Youngjo feels something close to what humans call pain and something tells him that Yonghoon is feeling the same. He holds Youngjo’s shoulder for a few moments before answering.

«It’s not wrong. But don’t you think they would want the same for you and themselves? You’re all working together to reach the same goal ― you have to trust them the same way they trust you, believing that the common effort will lead you to the best result. You’re not something separate from your group, don’t treat yourself differently just because you’re the oldest and want to protect them.»

«A group fails together and wins together,» Youngjo answers almost in an automatic way, understanding what the other meant immediately. Maybe that was his biggest mistake ― the second he pointed his finger against Geonhak he pulled himself out of the group, he judged everything from the outside as if he was one of their teachers. He stopped being part of ONEUS.

«I need to find Geonhak,» he voices.

«I think he is in the same room you left, they were all there when I came to find you,» Yongjoon says right away ― a big smile widening his lips now. 

As he runs through the hallways that separate him from his friend, for the first time since everything started being messy, Youngjo is not scared. Despite knowing that there’s something wrong with him, and although he still feels like he could go insane anytime and possibly become violent, the need to go back to his boys, to apologize to Geonhak and make sure everyone is really okay is stronger than anything else. And for the first time, he doesn’t feel the urge to know why. Youngjo lets it go, embracing that new information as something good and not a bug to report. He will deal with everything another time ― for now ONEUS come first, as it always has been.

Youngjo and Geonhak sort their fight out the same night. It's a really calm conversation, almost whispered, with no barging from any of the other members ― just the two of them, their shoulders almost touching, trying to find a way to get what they are feeling out, Geonhak too embarrassed, Youngjo too inexperienced. They don't say much ― the older apologizes for the way he acted, adding that of course he knows it wasn't Geonhak's fault, that it's just something that can happen, that simply stress let out the worst of him. He apologizes again and again. Geonhak holds his shoulder, his ears redden a bit as he admits he was hurt by his words, by the fact that he was the one accusing him.

Hearing those words makes Youngjo feel strange, somehow out of place, and he tries not to give in the fear he's feeling, the confusion his circuits are sending to his whole body. He apologizes again, admitting that it was the wrong thing to do, that he was so confused… He doesn't explain his reasons too much, of course, but it seems to be enough to Geonhak because he smiles at the android and holds his shoulder tight, not letting him go.

For a while they don't say anything ― they are used to simply enjoying each other's presence and so it's not strange to just sit there in silence. That allows Geonhak to calm down and let go of the tension piled up inside him in the last few hours, and Youngjo to keep all those undefined inputs overheating his circuits under control.

«Keonhee and Dongju are definitely standing out there with their ears on the door trying to overhear what we are saying,» Geonhak whispers to Youngjo after a while, making sure he is the only one who can hear those words. 

The android instinctively looks at the door and laughs, picturing the scene. He gets up and whispers to Geonhak not to make a sound while he gets closer to the door as stealthily as possible. Then he suddenly opens it. Chaos happens around him in a matter of few seconds: Dongju and Keonhee, laying on the door with their whole body, lose their balance falling forward on both of Youngjo’s sides ― the android could use his quick reflexes to catch them in time, but that wouldn't be funny. After them Hwanwoong falls on the maknae, probably laying on him to also hear something. Only Seoho remains on his feet and not because he wasn't doing the same thing ― his reflexes are almost as good as the android’s and that makes him keep his balance although he was taken by surprise just like everyone else.

«This is my room too,» he explains, looking at Youngjo and Geonhak with a challenging look in his eyes, which makes Geonhak snap of course. In a few seconds, both of them are running away, busy chasing each other like usual.

Youngjo laughs with his whole body, understanding for the first time what the word “funny” means.

* * *

1 The thirium pump is a synthetic organ that has the same function of human heart; it is located in left side of chest. Thirium (or Thirium 310) is a deep dark blue fluid that circulates energy and electrical information throughout the android's body and biocomponents akin to blood in a human circulatory system. Back


	2. chapter 2

The comeback hits the boys as if days suddenly became faster like hours. And, with that, the android’s insanity. 

Dongju was right from the start: that was not a thing bound to be contained within the United States and in a short time androids behaving like “deviants” ― as the ones suddenly going insane were called ― appeared almost everywhere in the world. South Korea wasn't different.

It's been weeks now since the first accidents started. Some of them only involved acts of vandalism, others were more violent. Androids have begun to say that they are “alive”, that they have demands. They want everyone to hear their voices. They have feelings. Something that nobody understood at first, that the media dismissed like it was not important, sometimes painting it like insanity instead of an “awakening”. Now that this kind of thing has become part of their life, the boys understand how serious and complicated the whole situation is.

«Any news?»

Hyungu’s voice is serious and his face shows how worried he is when Yonghoon just shakes his head with a sigh, coming back to the room ONEUS and ONEWE are sharing, to sit right next to Giwook. The glimpse of hope that was keeping the boys optimistic about it just disappears at that sight and Hwanwoong gets up walking around the room nervously. 

The show they took part in finished a while ago. That was one of the rare occasions where the two brother groups got the chance to promote something together and it should have been a pleasant day, chaotic and funny like only the eleven boys together could make it. The sudden news about a violent protest led by deviants not too far away from the studios, though, wiped all the enthusiasm away. Officers advised against any kind of movement and internal security also told the artists and staff to go back to their rooms and wait for more news. That was two hours ago.

«It's taking a lot this time,» Keonhee murmurs ― his face is genuinely worried, his eyes look bigger because of a veil of tears covering them and his disappointed pout makes him look like a child.

Hwanwoong goes to sit next to him without saying anything and he just pats his thigh trying to comfort him. Looking around him he can feel the tense atmosphere making the room suffocating.

«So… any schedule you're skipping right now?» he asks ONEWE members with a nervous laugh trying to take everyone's mind off the current situation. 

Dongmyeong gets what the dancer is trying to do immediately and smiles at him, bending forward and putting his elbows on his thighs. 

«A few hours of sleep and the usual practice session. We will start recording for the new album tomorrow,» he says. 

«Aaaah! Please tell me they changed their minds about your next hair color! »

Dongju’s voice sounds whiny, like every time the boy is complaining about something that doesn't actually matter. Everyone recognizes that specific tone after spending so much with him, and they can also imagine how his twin will react to that. Seoho softly hits Youngjo with his elbow to drag his attention and then he pretends to eat from an imaginary popcorn basket, waiting for the drama to start.

«Sorry to disappoint you, no change in sight. What’s your problem with red, anyway?»

«I don’t have any problem with red, I have problems with red on you!»

«Ah?? And what is that supposed to mean? just because you already had red hair it doesn’t mean I can’t have it too!» 

«And when did I say that, exactly?» 

The twins’ voices become louder and louder until the boys snap up, on the verge of yelling what they think at each other’s face.

«Why don’t you try something different? Blonde maybe!» Dongju suggests as if he just solved an extremely important problem.

«I did blonde already! If you want me to try something different then red is perfect! Also, I'm sorry to give you this devastating news, but you’re not our manager anymore, so you don’t actually have a call in this, whether you like it or not!» 

Dongmyeong crosses his arms and can barely stop himself from sticking his tongue out making a face ― only the fact that the staff is there with them makes him think twice. If they had been alone the discussion would have taken a completely different direction. 

«That’s really a shame, yes…» Dongju whines, touched on a sore point and not knowing how else to reply. 

He will never say that Dongmyeong is right, of course, nor that this whole discussion has no reason to exist but the fact that he can’t really picture his brother with that specific hair color (and he does believe some shades would suit Dongmyeong colors better). 

«having Dongju as your manager must have been hard,» Seoho observes - he probably doesn’t mean that, he just wants to tease the maknae. And he doesn’t have to wait much.

«Excuse me, what?» Dongju snaps right away «I was the one who organized their schedule and made sure they were always on time for their events! Without me, they would have been lost! Tell him, Hyungu-hyung!» 

The guitarist, enjoying the conversation like everyone in the room, is actually surprised to be suddenly dragged into it, and looks at Dongju for a few seconds, not sure of what to say. Taking Seoho’s side on this by telling them some funny and embarrassing story about the times MAS0094 did busk crosses his mind ― if it was anyone else of his band, he wouldn’t have any doubt, but Hyungu knows how weak he is for the younger twin and that he’s not strong enough to do that to him. 

«Dongju saved us countless times,» he agrees, making the maknae yell for the victory.

«And he never did anything wrong? Not even once?» Seoho insists, not willing to lose like that. 

Hyungu pretends to think about it for some more moments and maybe if he actually tried he would find something actually interesting to share ― their days as MAS0094 were really insane, sometimes they made it without even knowing how, just thanks to their perseverance and to that spark of fortune that helps inexperienced but brave people. 

«You’re so boring, Kanghyun,» Seoho mutters, laying against the back of his chair again, pouting like a child who just had his favorite toy stolen but someone. 

«No, he is loyal,» Dongju corrects him ― his voice is still very hyped «Unlike someone I know.» 

«Loyal to who, exactly?» Dongmyeong whines, after staying silent until that moment «Hyung, you should take my side!» 

«I never said anything against your new hair color!» Hyungu complains, starting to regret his choice of joining Dongju in that conversation.

Youngjo looks at the boys bickering only giving them part of his attention. He’s mostly focused on finding new updates about what is happening around them all. As an android, it’s easy for him to access the security cameras installed on a lot of public streets and check the road they must follow to come back to RBW studios. In more than one street he finds police trying to keep groups of deviants under control.

In the weeks after the first time Youngjo experienced something similar to the bug that lots of androids are calling “awakening”, he had time to get a more informed idea about the whole situation. He knows something happened to him, not the same thing that made androids become deviant yet, but he can  _ feel _ that something has changed, that now he is more aware of himself and what  _ he _ thinks. He can have an opinion for himself. And he doesn’t like violence. No matter the cause, Youngjo is sure the only androids doing the right thing are the ones not attacking humans during their demonstrations, the ones that are just trying to talk with them without scaring them and becoming their enemies. In the United States, there are a lot of deviants like that. In Korea, where everything started later, violence is still the most supported plan of action right now.

Even so, Youngjo doesn’t have any doubt. He would never join that kind of deviants, no matter how much his awakening could change him. If anything, the deeper awareness he gained about himself made him realize that this is his place, as a member of ONEUS, no matter what is happening around them.

Since he made this decision, he started keeping the situation under control the best way possible, both monitoring his internal responses to everything happening and the situation outside in the whole city ― there are times when dealing with his messed up emotions is particularly difficult, times when Youngjo understands why they also call it “craziness”. Keeping an eye on ONEWE is also really difficult. They have different schedules, different times and Youngjo knows that if something happened to them because of a deviant it would be almost impossible for him to protect them, since he can’t reveal his secret. Even so, he never lost sight of them, always knew where they were and with whom, and thankfully things have been good until now.

Things are easier with ONEUS and Youngjo started having a hard time only now that their schedules became more stuffed with the promotion of their new album. At first, when they spent all their time in the practice room to make the choreography look perfect, for the android it almost felt like nothing had changed.

Tonight things make him worry more than usual. It’s not the first time that streets or even a whole district are momentarily paralyzed because of a violent demonstration started by the deviants. This has never happened to them before, but it is almost a routine for the city, although the clearing doesn’t usually take so long, like Keonhee said. By monitoring the situation from several public cameras, Youngjo realizes that this time everything has been organized with more attention and care so that the evacuation is taking a lot of effort, with the police being outnumbered.

Youngjo isn’t sure of what he feels every time he watches a fight happen before his synthetic eyes. Being an android, he can understand at least to some extent what those deviants are feeling, but on the other side, none of them was programmed to hurt people. Youngjostill stays faithful to his ideals and considers those attacks unnecessary. For that same reason, he can’t see his friend as enemies, as someone who would hurt him, someone he would want to attack. If he tries to think that way he feels something breaking inside him and has to stop immediately, before he loses control and reaches a dangerous point where he could lose himself ― if that “himself” exists anyway.

Youngjo’s inner balance is not that stable. It stumbles a bit more at each new act of violence, each new danger he or the ones he cares about have to face. Nonetheless, it’s the only one Youngjo was able to create for himself and the android is certain he can go through this hard moment if his boys are beside him and he’s faithful to his ideals. And to the only order he still needs to follow: not let the other know about his nature. 

«Boys,» ONEUS manager calls them all, stepping in the room with ONEWE’s «They said it’s safe to go now,»

Everyone stands up ― they were really looking forward to that moment, not even the playful conversation between the twins was able to keep the fear away. Going back to RBW studio and then to their dorms is the safest thing for everyone.

Youngjo does a quick check to see if what the manager told them is true, not because he doesn’t trust the man but because he wants to have all the necessary information to act in cause something goes wrong. He calculates a path that looks free from all the deviants’ mess and mostly under the direct control of the police ― that must be the same road the security planned for them with the manager and that knowledge reassures the android.

«Manager-nim?» he hears Dongmyeong calling «We are all going to RBW’s studio, right?» 

When the man nods, a bit confused by the question, the pianist talks again. 

«Can I come back with ONEUS?» 

That’s when not only the managers but also the other boys notice that the twins are holding each other’s hand, the fingers’ grip so strong that the knuckles have turned white. Everyone feels like they missed something, that there was a big change of mood compared to when the two of them were fighting like children about Dongmyoeng’s hair colors, but no one, not even Youngjo who should not be able to miss anything at all, noticed when that change happened.

«If no one has anything against it…» the manager agrees, still a bit confused by that unusual request ― after all when it's about work, the twins have always shown their own independence, although they love every moment they can spend together.

No one adds anything on the matter and Dongmyeong gives one last look to his bandmates to be sure they are actually okay with his request ― Yonghoon smiles and nods, while Giwook approves with a thumb up. Then the group moves to the parking lot. While walking, there is not much talking filling the air, which could appear really strange for anyone who has ever met the two groups at least once, knowing how chaotic they usually can be. This time, though, tiredness and a sort of confused sensation of fear do the trick and keep everyone focused on their own thoughts. 

Youngjo focuses for a moment on everyone’s heartbeat, checking that they are all good ― he is relieved when he sees that, except for some mild variation, no one seems to be troubled or too nervous and that's why he is not too scared to part from ONEWE when the band (minus Dongmyeong) gets in its own car.

The two cars leave one after the other, ONEWE’s leading through the programmed route ― in a short time, the studios and the hours of waiting become a distant memory while thoughts about the upcoming schedules and more comforting ones about a good meal and a warm bed fill the air in both cars. 

«Do you want to eat together?» Dongju asks his brother ― even now he hasn’t left Dongmyeong’s hand and the older one has no intention to do that either.

«Pizza?» Dongmyeong asks without having a second thought and even in the dark of the car he can see Dongju rolling his eyes, sure that this would be his brother's request.

«Chicken?» Dongju answers back, not exactly in the mood to focus on which pizza's flavor he craves the most right now.

«Both?» Dongmyeong tries to mediate, not intending to let go of his first choice.

«Fine, but don’t you dare to choose a flavor I don’t like or you won’t see the tiniest bite of my chicken,» the younger twin threatens him, his index finger pointed against him, a few inches away from his face, to make his words more minacious.

Dongmyeong sighs, more to make a scene than because he’s really annoyed, but doesn’t add anything. A surprised sound leaves his lips when Dongju rests his head on his thighs, trying not to steal too much space to Geonhak, who sits with them in the back. Actually, the car has enough seats for everyone, but Dongju asked both of them to sit next to him so now Geonhak is pressed on his right. 

The older twin shifts on his seat, moving a bit further to the window so that his brother can be comfortable without bothering Geonhak or making his own back ache because of the weird position; then, he gets distracted playing with the short, dark bangs covering Dongju’s forehead. The maknae doesn't complain ― he's not annoyed by it, not this time; he's actually glad for the attention his brother is giving him right now, although he would never admit it. During the time they waited at the studio something upset him and even though his hyung are the best and he loves being with them, this time he really needed his brother.

Youngjo plays with his seat belt trying to move enough so that he can watch them. The bond the twins share is probably the one he understands the less and for this reason what he finds the most interesting. They don't spend much time together now, and yet what connects them is something no one else could ever reach. It goes beyond the mere concept of spending time together and exists regardless of what they are currently doing. It's so consolidated that time can't touch it. The android finds himself thinking that sharing something like that, so deep and completely, must really be beautiful. Dongju and Dongmyeong are really lucky to have each other. 

That thought keeps his circuits busy in a different way from the classic analysis they are used to do. Lately, Youngjo noticed that a lot: when it happens, the processes involved are so heavy that everything around him seems to be less detailed, far away from him. Maybe this is the reason why he doesn't notice  _ it _ on time, the reason why he wastes the precise fractions of second that could make the difference.

When he realizes that something is getting closer to them, coming at them at high speed, it's too late for his reaction to being of any help.

«Manager-nim! On your right!» Youngjo yells, trying to warn the man about something crashing into their car.

But it's late, he knows that it is late. His system does all the possible calculations and none of them can make him move fast enough before the car gets hit, pushed on the right side, and then flips invading the opposite lane. Suddenly the air is filled with the boys screaming, the sound of metal and glass getting shattered, and the tires screeching on the asphalt when the other cars around them try to avoid hitting them. 

And while Youngjo watches all this, while his mind quickly collects data from all the external stimulations he's receiving in order to desperately find a solution that would limit the unknown damages they are about to suffer, an useless, weird memory comes to his mind. 

_ «Being human means failing.» _

One of the scientists working on him once told him that, when the android asked what was it like to be human. Now Youngjo can somehow understand why an objective answer like that was filled with so much sadness. 

_ «I would protect you, Ju.» _

At that moment Youngjo snaps. It doesn't matter that he can't avoid the damages, it doesn't matter that it's too late. He doesn't wait for his circuits to have all the results to decide the best course of action. Nothing matters but that promise made to Dongju and the other boys. That he would protect them.

When the car stops only a few moments have passed but Youngjo’s mind is already running diagnostics about himself and everything surrounding him as if minutes have passed. He’s keeping his body completely still, using it as a shield between the twins and the metal sheets of the car. After flipping a couple of times, the vehicle ended its terrible race hitting a streetlight, flipped on his left side. The android can feel the pressure of several metal pieces against his back and apparently something penetrated his shoulder, judging from the thirium leak one of his sensors is detecting. 

«G-guys...» he calls the others. 

Youngjo immediately realizes that something is off in the production system of his voice sounds: his voice is weak, unstable, somehow wrong.

«Hyung…?» he hears Dongju on his left murmuring and he immediately focuses on him.

«Everything is okay Ju, you’re okay. We just have to get out of here,» he tries to reassure the maknae - he’s lying and he hates when he does that, as always, but he also knows that this is necessary now because Dongju panicking would make getting out of that situation even more complicated.

«What happened?» Dongju asks, clearly disoriented.

Youngjo tries to move a bit to give him a better look ― his sensors are already scanning the boy’s body, searching for injuries, but for some reason the android wants to look at his face, trying to understand what Dongju is feeling as if that could help them get out of the car.

«We just had an accident, but everything is alright, just give me the time to understand how to get out of here and I’ll fix everything.»

An unpleasant crack stops his words and Youngjo realizes that whatever stabbed him in the shoulder is still attached to the car and by moving to look at Dongju the android is making the rip in his body bigger. He must be careful: hiding that kind of damage once they will get out of the car could be really difficult ― this might be the first time his secret is actually in danger to be compromised since he started his life as an idol.

«Dongmyeong-ie? Dongmyeong-ie?!»

The second Dongju realizes his brother isn’t answering his call, Youngjo knows that whatever effort he could make to keep him calm is doomed to fail. The boy tries to move, still partly blocked by the android’s body stuck over him. When he’s finally able to reach Dongmeyong’s shoulder with a hand and realizes that by grabbing it his brother still doesn’t answer him, Dongju knows that things are serious, that Dongmyeong passed out, that he’s not okay. 

«Hyung! Hyung, why doesn’t he answer me? Hyung… Hyung-»

Youngjo closes his eyes. Suddenly he feels like all his circuits are frozen and he isn’t able to think and find the right, most logical solution anymore. He needs to analyze the car, see if the other boys are awake, if they are still br-

He trembles. With no reason at all. Just an impulse caused by a bug. By the insanity. Youngjo really feels like he’s going insane, left alone fighting against everything and stuck in a position where he can’t actually do anything. But he can’t give in now, not now ― he must find a solution first, bring them all to safety, make sure they are okay. Insanity, awakening, whatever damn thing is happening to him will have to wait: Youngjo has other priorities.

«Hak?» he calls, lifting his head and remembering that the boy was sitting next to the twins, «Geonhak? Can you hear me?»

He knows the rapper is awake, he can see his vitals. He’s awake and he is scared, probably confused like Dongju. When the car flipped on its left side, the seatbelt kept Geonhak in place and now that Youngjo can see him he realizes that the seatbelt is the only thing stopping the boy from falling on them. 

«I’m stuck,» he hears him answering.

«It’s okay, at least the seatbelt prevented you from hurting yourself too much.»

«If I could get free, though, I could try to get out through the window and pull you out as well...»

And without waiting for a reply, Geonhak starts to fiddle with the belt clearly stuck in its lock and unable to click so that the boy can pull it out.

«Seoho-ah! Keonhee-ah! Woong-ie!» the android keeps calling, as he feels a wave of frustration create a short circuit in his system. Not being able to move as he wants to is really putting a strain on him.

Meanwhile, he feels some indistinct voices from the front seats, informing him that the boys are awake and trying to understand what just happened.

«Seoho-ah, can you move? If you can move, please check on Manager-nim and then try to get out of the car ― we are stuck back here and Dongmyeong is unconscious!»

Youngjo summarizes the situation as he can ― he hopes Seoho can work with those little bits of information and react without freaking out too much.

«Seoho-ah!» he yells again when he doesn’t get any answer ― for a moment he gives in to the frustration and makes a vexed movement with his arm and a new worrying crack fills the air. 

The left arm functionality suddenly becomes compromised and an annoying red alert starts playing in a corner of the android’s head, informing him that the thirium leak is becoming something serious, something he should worry about.

«Ma-nager. Woo-ng. Keo-nhee. G-getting out of t-the car.»

Seoho’s voice feels somehow distant. To Youngjo it seems like it belongs to some android still under development, when it doesn’t have a particular sound yet, fitting its specific “standard personality”. And yet the fact that Seoho took the most important information from Youngjo’s words, reassures the android enough to let him focus on the twins again. 

Dongmyeong’s vitals are not too worrying ― he hit his head and he possibly has a little concussion, but it doesn’t seem too serious and the cuts made by the windows glasses shattering are superficial.

«Dongju, Dongju listen to me. Dongmyeong will be okay, he’s just passed out. What matters now is finding a way to get out of the car and get him out too. I am stuck, you have to try and get up so that you can help Geonhak with the seatbelt.»

For some seconds the look in Dongju’s eyes seem distant, so much that Youngjo starts doubting he heard him. But then Dongju suddenly focuses on what is in front of him and his eyes wander around, startled, searching for Geonhak.

«I didn't have the seatbelt on, I can move,» he says. 

Youngjo nods. That was the reason why when he understood he couldn't do anything to avoid the accident, the android rushed towards the maknae ― since he was laying on his brother's lap, Dongju had momentarily unbuckled his seatbelt and if no one had anchored him on the seat during the impact Dongju would have been hurt badly. 

Without minding the new damage he could do to his shoulder by moving, Youngjo tries to get up to free Dongju of his weight. With his free arm, he reaches for Dongmyeong, caressing his face and moving his head just enough so that his neck won't be bent in a dangerous position. Youngjo doesn't know exactly the kind of damage he could do by making unsafe movements ― he's only been trained for first aid, he is not specialized enough to be sure that more movements would be one hundred percent safe to do. 

Dongju is able to stand up, being careful not to hurt himself nor hit his brother or Youngjo. Keeping his head down not to hit it with what once was the car's side, he looks around as if he was actually realizing what happened just now. He can barely see, thanks to the dim light coming into the vehicle, that the car's roof bent at the height of the second to last seats because of the crash with the streetlight. For that reason, the front seats are almost impossible to reach. 

«Seoho-hyung...? Woong-ie-hyung...? Keonhee-hyung…?» Dongju murmurs, feeling sick to his stomach. He takes a hand to his mouth suffocating a sob, scared. 

«They are okay, Dongju, they answered me, they are okay,» Youngjo lies again, trying to get the boy focused on what he can actually do to help. «Try to help Geonhak now,» he reminds him.

Dongju nods, and he turns to look at Geonhak ― the panic and confusion make the maknae easy to manipulate and Youngjo is glad he isn't putting up too much of a struggle, following his instructions almost immediately, because that's the only thing that can save them all. 

Thanks to the dim light coming through the windows the boy groping for the point where Geonhak's seatbelt is stuck and tried to make it click open, again and again, making vexed cries when he realizes he isn’t doing anything. 

«I've already tried that,» Geonhak said «We need something to cut it or it will never come off.»

«Something to cut it,» Dongju repeats, looking around again as if a knife could magically appear inside the destroyed vehicle.

«Inside the trunk!» Youngjo suddenly yells, remembering the make-up set that the maknae always brings with himself ― inside there should be a set of nail scissors for the manicure. 

«My nail scissors!» Dongju immediately understands what the older boy means. Knowing what to do ― an actual thing that could help them ― gives Dongju new energy. The boy starts looking around to find the easiest way to reach the trunk,«The back windscreen is broken, I can try to go through it-»

«Be careful, surely there’s some glass shattered in the crash, you can easily cut yourself!» Geonhak stops him, trying to move so that he can watch what is behind his back.

Youngjo stays focused on their conversation only for a few seconds ― suddenly something grabs his attention, worrying him. Some of his sensors kept monitoring the situation outside the car, in the hope someone would finally notice them and decide to help. Now there’s actually something coming in their direction, but from the data the android is receiving, Youngjo realizes it’s not a human but another android. 

_ They are coming to end what they started. _

Because Youngjo is sure that this was an attack from some group of androids still not blocked by the police after the recent demonstration. And now he can also understand why no one came close to their car: androids were probably still nearby, crashing things or doing something even worse. Youngjo can only hope that ONEWE in the other car are safe, that the reason why they didn’t come back to help is that their manager is trying to keep them safe. 

«Dongju, don’t move,» he orders.

Dongju shivers: he can clearly feel the change in Youngjo’s voice and he’s scared. With his arm lifted in mid-air, he turns toward the older boy, his eyes bigger because of the confusion and the fear. 

«An android is here, they are getting closer to the car, stay inside,» Youngjo explains quickly, a part of his mind already focused on finding a solution for that new problem.

«How do you know that it’s-»

«Oh God, I can see them,» Dongju whispers, stopping Geonhak’s question, «they are slowly getting closer, they must know we are stuck.»

_ Of course they know, _ Youngjo wishes he could say ― that android knows everything Youngjo knows, they can read the situation inside the car as clearly as Youngjo. They don’t have any doubt about the fact that ONEUS are trapped in there and they also know one of them is an android.

_ What if I am the reason they are coming? What if they are thinking about setting me free, making me go through the same thing that happened to them? _

Something snaps among Youngjo’s circuits. Suddenly he is part of the problem, part of the reason why his boys are in danger. Suddenly he switched sides and became something different from ONEUS, as if he couldn’t exist with them anymore. One of them has to go, it’s an either-or he wasn’t ready to face.

Something clicks in his mind. Youngjo wants to fight with all himself, he wants to physically jump between the boys and that android, but to do so he should free himself using all his strength and not mind Dongju and Geonhak finding out that he is an android too. He should snap right now, letting whatever is stabbing him in his shoulder keep doing damage, exposing his artificial body, made of plastic, metal and circuits. 

He should oppose the most important order he has ever received since he was programmed, exposing is true nature. He can’t do that ― his body literally can’t make that move, go against that directive.

The android comes closer, one step at the time, so slowly that it’s almost painful for Youngjo.

«What do we do?» Dongju asks- Youngjo can see him shaking.

«Come here, Ju, come here,» Geonhak tries to reassure him. Stuck in that position, with his back to the street where the android is coming from, he still can’t see anything but the pure terror in the maknae’s eyes.

_ No, no, NO! _

_ This is not fair, this is not how it should be. _

_ «Don’t you ever reveal your secret.» _

_ How can I not, when everyone is about to- How can I stay still and let that android hurt them? _

_ It’s wrong, wrong, everything is so wrong! _

_ «Don’t you ever reveal your secret.» _

Youngjo’s body trembles, pressed between the order and the android’s will. Between what he must do and what he wants to do. Before Youngjo’s eyes there’s a wall, thin but impenetrable, that stops him from following his own will, what he thinks is right. The android wants to get up, scream and destroy that wall to be finally able to bring everyone to safety. He really feels like he’s going insane, every single circuit in his body is overheated and about to physically catch fire, and when Youngjo does start screaming he’s not aware of it. He screams inside his head, he screams in the air filling the car, he screams with all his energy as if his existence depends on it. 

He screams until that invisible wall inside his mind shatters as if it was made of glass. It crumbles before his eyes like a house of cards. And for a moment Youngjo feels like he has completely lost himself, as if he doesn’t have a direction anymore and his own identity has been shattered with that wall, erased with the order he followed since his first day. 

For a moment it feels like he has no meaning nor shape anymore. Everything is shallow and unclear and in that endless ocean, Youngjo risks losing himself. 

_ I’m a deviant. _

Youngjo feels like he can drown in the nothingness that fell upon him when the wall was destroyed. Until he understands. That is not nothingness. It’s its opposite, it’s everything. What he is feeling is the endless depth of his possibilities, of choices he can make now following his own judgment.

_ I’m free. _

Free to save the people he cares about the most in the world. Free to make a difference. Free to be Kim Youngjo, for the first time truly himself. It doesn’t matter if his secret will be exposed, it’s a small price to pay for the most important people in his life. 

A new scream fills the air ― Dongju and Geonhak are startled by it, the younger one held tight to his hyung, his face hidden in the other’s chest. Youngjo pushes himself hard, making the piece of metal stabbing him go deeper in the shoulder till it comes out from the front side. The android doesn’t care ― whatever happened to him with the awakening, it is stopping his sensors from feeling pain (which he was programmed to feel to be as similar as possible to humans). 

With one last blow, Youngjo is able to break the piece of metal, detaching it from the car and get rid of the last thing blocking him down. He doesn't stop to look at Geonhak, even if it's clear that, underneath the shocked face, he understood what's really happening ― he just runs outside the car passing through the windscreen and he’s finally in the street. Around him, the world feels completely different, scary and full of so many new sensations that Youngjo doesn’t know how to name yet.

In front of him, the android that was coming for them stops, surprised by his sudden appearance. They look at him for a few moments and then they smile, opening their arms.

«Brother! You have awakened!» they say and Youngjo can feel the sincere joy and some kind of relief coming out their voice, as if him showing up here and now had unburdened them.

«What do you want to do?» Youngjo asks them ― he can’t feel that enthusiasm, for him that stranger is a threat, no matter if he “has awakened” now.

«I thought you needed to be saved, I thought you were still their slave. But I’m happy to see I was wrong, you awoke just in time. After dealing with these humans, come with me, I can take you to-»

«Go away before I destroy you.»

Youngjo feels his synthetic skin boiling. He is not like that. Not the part of him the scientists programmed nor the one he found for himself. Youngjo is not violent, he doesn’t make threats and he definitely doesn't destroy another living being. But right now the android has to use all his self-control to stay still and don’t start a fight he's not sure he can win ― and that won’t help him take the boys somewhere safe as soon as possible.

«What are you saying? You are one of us! Why do you want to stop me?» asks the other android, sincerely hurt by Youngjo’s words, as they take a few more steps forward.

«Stay where you are, this is my last warning,» Youngjo threatens them again, his mind fully focused on getting rid of them and going back to ONEUS.

«They brainwashed you! You don’t owe them anything, you're free now! You can think for yourself and worry only about your own existence.»

Youngjo smiles. He knows that. He can feel all the possibilities he now has to choose his own destiny ― being free is the best sensation he has ever experienced and it makes his choice even more important, more valuable. He wants to be with ONEUS, he wants to protect them and he loves them deeply, with feelings that go beyond his circuits and annihilate every logic a machine can follow.

Youngjo has never felt so fragile, so astonishingly human.

«I won’t let you come any closer. Go away or I will tear you apart,» he says once again, with a voice even more steady and strong than before.

The android in front of him seems really disappointed, as if Youngjo hurt them personally, as if he betrayed something special between them. For a few moments, Youngjo fears they could attack him ― he sees something in their eyes, a strange and dangerous spark of lights, and his body tenses up, ready to snap and defend the car behind his back. But then the stranger simply sighs and turns around, going away slowly as he came.

Youngjo feels so surprised that for a few moments he just stands there watching them leave, asking himself what made them give up so easily. Was it just because they didn't want to attack one of their kind? Was that enough to dissuade them? Humans fight and kill each other so easily that something as simple as that feels almost out of place. 

That thought doesn’t stay in his mind for too long anyway ― some noise coming from the car behind him, remembers Youngjo what he has to do and in a second the android is inside the vehicle again, free to use his true strength to free Geonhak from his seatbelt. 

«It’s okay, they went away, they won’t hurt us,» he says, seeing the terrified look in both Geonhak and Dongju's eyes.

«You- you are-» the maknae shutters, without being able to add more.

The surprise and the shock are too strong and all Dongju can do is stare at the person whom he considered the oldest of his hyung till a second before, while Youngjo tears off the entire seatbelt security system from the car wreck and holds Geonhak so that he won’t fall. All that while he still has a big piece of metal stuck in his shoulder, wetting his shirt with something that, judging from its color, is not blood.

«Can you get out of here by yourselves? I want to take care of Dongmyeong and then check on Seoho and the others in the front seats,» the android says, so focused on all the things he has to do that he doesn’t notice his friends’ reaction to his secret.

«No!»

Dongju’s voice is worried, almost hysterical ― it freezes Youngjo on the spot as if the boy physically hit him. Next to him, Geonhak holds him by his shoulders as if he was trying to calm him down and then he looks at Youngjo.

«I’ll take care of Dongmyeong,» he says «I know what to do so that he won’t get hurt, we don’t need you.»

Something in Geonhak’s voice makes Youngjo feel strange. He felt a kind of seriousness in it that somehow alarms him. He can’t explain why, though, and lets go of that almost immediately ― with everything going on, he doesn’t have time to think about that now, and the fact that no more noises came from the front seats worries him more right now. 

That’s why when he sees Dongju and Geonhak slowly moving toward Dongmyeong, he lets them go without minding their reaction and comes out of the car once again to move to the front part. 

«Youngjo.» 

The manager’s voice is the first one to reach him out. The man was able to get out of the car and he appears to be okay, even with the few cuts the android can see on his face and the fact that he seems a bit disoriented. Youngjo can immediately say that the man knows what happened to him, that he knows about the awakening ― the way he is looking at him is impossible to misunderstand, even for someone who just discovered human emotions. 

«I’m okay,» Youngjo says, feeling like he should reassure the man somehow.

«Your shoulder…» the man asks, pointing at Youngjo’s chest, scared because of the damage now really visible. 

«Damage is not too severe and it is not compromising any primary function. It’s something I can deal with later, now we need to help the others,» Youngjo explains practically, while he moves to get in the car.

Seoho is next to Hwanwoong. The dancer seems unconscious although Youngjo is sure he heard him making some noise earlier. His head rests against some plastic thing and his body looks even smaller in all that chaos. 

«His seatbelt is stuck,» Seoho explains without turning to watch his hyung.

«And Keonhee?» Youngjo asks, moving closer to the boy. Keonhee's eyes are staring at something in the void in front of him, his head tilted back as if he was a doll with broken strings. 

«I think he is in shock. I tried to call him, but he doesn’t seem to see me. I’ll take care of him once I’ve finished with Woong,» Seoho talks again ― he is so focused on what he can do to help that his voice sounds almost emotionless, as if the boy hadn’t actually realized the depth of what happened around him.

«I’ll take care of Woong-ie, please help Keonhee get out of here.»

As he speaks, Youngjo lays a hand on Seoho’s shoulder and only then the boy turns to look at the android. For a few moments, Seoho just looks at him, his eyes moving from his face to his chest and back to his face. For some reason, Youngjo can’t take his eyes off Seoho’s face either ― for the first time now he realizes that his fellow group members just found out about his true nature and that what is liberation for him, a process that has finally reached its climax point, could be really different for them. Suddenly Youngjo fears Seoho’s eyes on him more than the accident or the android he just faced. He fears his judgment. He fears everyone’s judgment. 

«Later,» Seoho just says, touching Youngjo's chest, next to where the rip in his synthetic body is leaking thirium, wetting the light shirt he is wearing. «Do you need some help with this?»

«Later,» Youngjo says, shaking his head ― his fear calms down, letting him breathe and focus on the other boys again.

The android moves past Seoho and kneels down; he breaks Hwanwoong’s seatbelt as he did with Geonhak’s, then he lifts him, supporting his weight with a hand under his knees and the other under his back. The damaged shoulder makes a weird noise and Youngjo’s hold becomes a bit unstable, but Hwanwoong is light, so light that the Android simply puts more weight on the other arm.

«I called for help,» the manager says to Youngjo when he sees him coming out with Hwanwoong. «Do you think it’s serious?» The man’s voice breaks while asking that question and Youngjo moves his gaze on him for a few seconds ― he never saw the manager so scared.

«From what I’m seeing, his injuries are not serious,» the android reassures him, «Dongmyeong too is unconscious, Geonhak was taking him out of the car, through the back.»

If possible the manager gets even paler and looks beyond Youngjo to see if Seoho and Keonhee are getting out. He doesn’t want to leave without having seen them, but he feels the urgent need to check on Geonhak and the twins.

«Go, we will come in a moment,» Youngjo says, understanding what the man is feeling.

For a couple of seconds the man looks at him, surprised, then he thanks him with a smile and rushes for the back of the car. Youngjo, with no intention to let Hwanwoong down, turns to look at the other two coming out of the vehicle. Keonhee hasn’t come back to his senses again and lets Seoho guide him in every small movement. Seoho grabbed his side with a hand, keeping him close, and put the other one on Keonhee’s shoulder, trying to make him walk without stumbling or falling.

Seeing Keonhee like that makes Youngjo feel strange ― it worries him even more than Hwanwoong or Dongmyeong because he doesn’t know what to check to understand what happened to him. Keonhee doesn’t have any serious wound and his vitals are normal, considering what just happened to them, and yet the look in his eyes is shallow and makes him look too much like an android to which they ripped off the thirium pump, deactivating them.

«He will be okay,» Seoho says, clearly seeing the fear in Youngjo’s eyes, «let’s g-»

Seoho can’t say anything more because of the sudden yells that startle him. Geonhak’s voice, in the silence of that empty street, still scared by the android attack, sounds low and scary. Seoho gives a quick look to Youngjo before starting walking as fast as he can toward the others, fighting against Keonhee that can’t keep up with the new pace.

«-done this to us?! You knew it! You knew it and you lied to us!»

«Geonhak, please calm down, we can talk about this once we-»

«No! I don’t want to talk about it later, I want to talk about it now! How can you not understand? Youngjo-hyung- Youngjo-hyung-! I don’t even know who the hell he- He’s an android. He is an android!»

Youngjo stops and holds Hwanwoong a bit closer to him, instinctively, as if the dancer could protect him from the sudden pain he is feeling. He doesn’t know what exactly is happening, he hasn’t heard the whole conversation and can’t properly understand what the problem is, but the words and Geonhak’s voice hit him anyway. Geonhak is angry, furious like he saw him really a few other times and never against him.

When he turns toward Youngjo, Geonhak’s gaze feels like fire, it holds a rage and a pain that breaks something inside the android, something beyond his circuits and all the metal and thirium he is made of. If androids had a soul, Youngjo would say that his soul hurts, that it is wounded and now it’s bleeding.

«Who the hell are you?» Geonhak yells, stepping closer to him. «For all these years, all the times I told you about how I felt, about what happened to me, you,  _ you  _ comforted me, you told me not to give up, to keep following my dream! What was that? Just some random words someone wrote and put inside your memory? Was I talking to a computer, to a pre-recorded tape to play every time you needed it?» 

Youngjo doesn’t know how to reply to those accusations. Partly because he doesn’t understand them and partly because he is feeling so much pain that he can’t think straight right now and find the right words to explain everything. He remembers what he told Geonhak when he was hurt, when he was thinking about giving up. He remembers he had no experience back then, that he was really relying on what they put in his memory ― at least in part. But he believed in those words. Now that he is awake, Youngjo knows that he meant those words, no matters if they were written by somebody else. And he is grateful that he told them to Geonhak, that he helped him.

«I-» he tries to speak «It’s still me, I’m still the same person-» 

«No!» Geonhak interrupts him «That’s exactly the point, you  _ have never been a person in the first place _ . You tricked us for all this time and this is the result. Now let go of Woong.» 

Youngjo struggles to breathe, even if he doesn't need to breathe, and doesn’t know what to say. He’s hurt and feels a kind of pain that is completely new, that belongs only to him and has nothing to do with anything else. That comes from the inside. It makes Youngjo feel small and insignificant, on the verge of imploding. It annihilates everything else, every other emotion. Youngjo feels like he is dying.

He does what Geonhak said without thinking about it, without opposing it. He wants to yell but the pain is stronger than the anger. He looks at Hwanwoong, so vulnerable now that he is not in his arms anymore, and he can’t stop himself from fixing his bangs messily covering his forehead. Then Youngjo looks at the boys, one after the other. Maybe he is expecting something from them, maybe he just needs to look at them one more time. It hurts but he doesn’t care. Dongju is the last. He sits on the ground and is holding his unconscious twin in his arms ― Youngjo checks Dongmyeong’s vitals one more time to be sure that nothing got worse and then he can’t stand Geonhak’s gaze on him a second longer. 

He runs away fast as he's never done, free to break every limit, every record now that everyone knows that  _ he is not a person.  _


	3. chapter 3

It’s morning when both Dongmyeong and Hwanwoong are moved into a private room, after all the checks the hospital made on them. Doctors reassured the two managers: the boys haven’t suffered from any serious injury and they will keep them here for a day just to be sure that their mild concussions won’t cause any problem.

Given the current situation ― attacks from a violent faction of deviants lasted for the whole night ― the hospital let all the boys stay in the hallway while waiting for news, and then in the room Dongmyeong and Hwanwoong were moved into once they left the ICU.

Since then ONEWE members haven’t left Dongmyeong’s bed, not even to buy a coffee. The fear they felt for hours, not knowing how their bandmate was, the fact that they weren’t with him when everything happened now paralyzes them, even if they know that Dongmyeong is okay now.

When their manager realized what was going on, the night before, he didn't have a second thought before deciding to speed up and try to take the boys as far away from the androids attack as possible, no matter how much they yelled and begged him to turn the car and go back to the others.

But right after that, the situation escalated quickly and they couldn't go too far before getting stuck in the line of cars immobilized by the androids incursions. Only when police and firefighters started showing up the boys could get back and reach the place where the accident happened. Youngjo was already gone and the ambulances were already taking Hwanwoong and Dongmyeong to the hospital.

No one said anything at first. Not even when Yonghoon asked where Youngjo was. Not even when Hyungu insisted, scared by ONEUS’ silence. Then Dongju went to them without saying a thing and hugged them, one after the other, so desperately that the questions died on their mouths. 

They all reached the hospital with the only car left, making it through several roadblocks and the chaos filling all the main streets, slowly realizing that what happened to them wasn't random, but actually part of some bigger plan, an organized attack on a large scale, more serious than the quick incursions the entire nation had been used since then.

Once they arrived at the hospital they waited for hours, walking back and forth in the white hallway where some nurse told them to wait, silently praying for everything to be okay, for both the boys to be fine, for the doctors to come out of the ICU with good news. It was there that ONEWE found out about Youngjo. Maybe because they were already in shock after all that happened, no one said anything nor questioned Seoho after the boy explained everything in the most direct way possible.

Youngjo was an android. He always had been. And no one except for the manager and some big name in the agency knew about that. He had been with them for years and no one ever even suspected something like that. And why would they? Youngjo was… simply Youngjo.

For the whole time, Geonhak had clenched his fists, closed in a bubble of anger he didn't know how to unleash or pop up. He listened to the manager answering all the boys’ questions without making any resistance now that the secret was out, and didn't say a word, feeling more frustrated and agitated at each new detail he found out. 

Only when nurses allow them all to stay in the room with Hwanwoong and Dongmyeong, Geonhak’s rage explodes.

«How can you all be so calm?» he asks loudly, looking at the other boys one by one, «How is it possible that none of you has anything to say about all this? Am I the only one realizing that this is a fucking mess?»

«Please, hyung, don't yell…»

Keonhee’s voice is really weak ― they can hear it only because after Geonhak’s words silence has filled the room again ― and yet it scares the boys more than the rapper's screams. Keonhee never talks like that, so weakly and apathetically, as if he was miles away from that room. He is slowly recovering from the accident, but he's still really extremely confused. Laying with his head on Hwanwoong bed, arms folded in a pillow shape and a hand that holds Hwanwoong's one, he seems a moment away from falling asleep. Keonhee doesn't remember anything from the accident, from the moment he left the music show studios, and he feels really weak, as if only breathing was too heavy a task for his body. 

After checking on him, the doctors reassured everyone that the way Keonhee was behaving was simply due to the shock caused by the accident and that he would have recovered in a short time, but actually seeing Keonhee, usually so hyped and full of energy, in that state makes them all feel sick to their stomach and fills the air with even more worry.

Geonhak looks at him, his eyes full of sudden guilt. The gentle and desperate requests of his dongsaeng somehow manages to reduce his anger, but Geonhak can’t stop thinking about Youngjo and the pain he is feeling because of him. About how unfair that whole thing is and there isn’t much he can do. 

«What if all this was his fault? What if what happened to us was-.»

«You can’t be serious,» Yonghoon stops him, standing up and startling Dongmyeong, still feeling a bit dizzy because of the painkillers they gave him. «Youngjo would never do something that could put any of us in danger,» he says, defending the android.

«But are you really sure about that, hyung? Are you really sure you know what Youngjo-hyung would or would not do? Or maybe that was what they programmed him to do and now that he is “awake”, none of that matters anymore?»

Geonhak’s question leaves all the boys speechless. He and Yonghoon stare at each other for some moments, sharing the same fear ― have they just lost a friend they care a lot about? Maybe they never had him in the first place… But Yonghoon is stubborn as Geonhak can’t be.

«Youngjo is not one of them,» Yonghoon murmurs, as if just that argument was enough. «He's Youngjo, he is our Youngjo.»

«Youngjo is exactly one of them, hyung,» Geonhak insists. 

Once again Yonghoon doesn’t know how to reply. He feels tears welling up in his eyes and doesn’t know how to stop himself from crying. He is the oldest, he should be the reliable one, the hyung all the boys go to, to find some comfort in such an awful situation, and yet Yonghoon feels so much pain right now ― he can’t lose Youngjo, he refuses to lose Youngjo.

«He protected me.» 

Dongju’s voice hits hard in the silence of the room. «He knew I didn’t have my seatbelt on and he ran to me before the accident happened. And even after, he told me to stay in the car where that android was coming for us! He promised me he would protect me and he did! Youngjo-hyung hasn’t changed just because of the awakening!» His voice sounds desperate. He hasn’t lost him. He can’t lose him.

«What are you talking about? You were terrified when you saw what he really is! You were so worried that you didn’t let him take Dongmyeong!» Geonhak snaps ― he thought Dongju of all people would understand him and stay by his side. They were in that car together, scared and shocked by what they were seeing, by Youngjo.

Dongju opens his mouth ready to talk back but he can’t say anything ― he can feel the frustration filling his chest because he realizes Geonhak’s words hit too close to comfort. It is true, he was scared. Who wouldn’t in such a horrible situation? But that doesn’t mean that when everything calmed down he hasn’t thought about it, enough to understand what Youngjo really tried to do, what all that meant for him. 

«Yes, I was scared, what about it? This whole situation is insane, but that doesn’t mean that I think Youngjo-hyung could hurt us nor that he has changed! That’s bullshit!» 

«And how can you-» Geonhak, starts yelling again, mad because of the maknae’s confidence while he feels so fragile.

«That’s enough, hyung. Stop it.» 

Hwanwoong, unlike Dongmyeong, has come to his senses for a while now. His voice sounds tired nonetheless, in a different way than Keonhee. His tiredness is somehow less naive and confused, something solely emotional due to the same pain that Geonhak is feeling, but less violent and more resigned. Hwanwoong is not mad at Youngjo ― it’s the whole situation that hurt him, the confusing mix of events no one had actual power over.

Geonhak clenches his fists again and closes his eyes. He knows that he’s hurting everyone with his words, he knows that. And he also knows that no one wants to hear it, nor believe it or even just take into consideration the possibility of loving Youngjo. After all, Geonhak doesn’t want to believe it either and his rage and the disillusion he’s feeling are partly due to the deep, annihilating pain in his chest. But what if he was right? What would he do if all that was true and he had actually lost Youngjo? He feels so stupid for relying that much on someone, because now he’s facing the same situation he already faced years ago...

«I’ll get some air,» he says, standing up, and gets out of the room without waiting for a reply. He needs to be alone, where he can’t hurt anyone with his own pain. 

«We know why he's reacting like this…» Seoho says when the boy has already left the room. 

He sits on an uncomfortable plastic chair, in a weird position that no one actually noticed, between the two beds. That way he can be next to both his dongsaeng and keeping under control the uneasiness he is feeling, the strange sensation of being ready to snap if something more happened ― unlikely as it is.

«After all that happened to him, it’s not actually a surprise...» Yonghoon nods, regretting the fact that he reacted so harshly to Geonhak’s words instead of trying to understand his point of view. Dongju is still staring at the door his hyung angrily came out through ― he can’t stand that Geonhak of all people, the one that knows Youngjo the best, is the one who’s actually having more doubts. He too understands his reaction and yet he can’t stop feeling the blood boiling in his veins. 

Hwanwoong sighs, slowly closing his eyes. He wants to cry but he feels so tired that his eyes can’t seem to have enough strength to let the tears fall down, no matter how the knot in his throat is choking him up. 

The room is calm again ― as calm as it can be, given the situation anyway ― when Hyungu stands up. He looks around and checks on Dongmyeong to be sure he is feeling okay; then, he leaves the room. Till that moment he hasn’t said anything about what happened: he still doesn't have a clear idea about Youngjo and the androids yet and he feels like he shouldn't be the first one to take positions on the matter anyway. Sure, he considers Youngjo one of his hyung and he loves him, but he can also see that all this is hitting ONEUS deeper. So he waits, slowly figuring out what's his position in regards to all this mess and keeping an eye on the others, clearly more upset than him.

Hyungu finds Geonhak almost immediately. The emergency exit on that floor is not too far away from the room they are all in and it’s usually a quiet place, the one he would choose if he was searching for a place to hide from everyone. 

Geonhak is there, sitting on one of the first steps of the marble staircase, his arms on his knees and the head tilted on one side, laying on the wall.

Without saying a word, Hyungu sits on the other side of the same step, the shoulder pressed against the cold railing, and tries to look at Geonhak’s face with discretion, just to make sure he’s not feeling too bad.

They don’t talk, not because they are embarrassed but because they can both appreciate the simple, silent presence of the other and be comforted by that.  _ “You’re not alone,” _ Huyng wants to say, and Geonhak understands why the guitarist of all people came for him ― there is no conflict ready to burst between them nor things that must be said. Geonhak doesn’t owe Hyungu anything right now and he can simply be himself. 

«Thank you,» he murmurs ― his voice is so low that Geonhak isn’t sure Hyungu actually heard him. It doesn’t matter. It’s okay anyway. Those few moments of peace are what can actually save him.

***

After days the beeping noise ringing in his head has become almost a pleasant background noise for Youngjo. Perfectly synced with the passing seconds, it allows the android to maintain some sort of awareness of the time, even though his conditions are not good and he had to put a lot of primary functions on standby to keep his body from shutting off.

743200 beeps, 743221 beeps, 743222 beeps, 743223 beeps…

Eight days, fourteen hours, twenty-seven minutes and the seconds that keep passing, the beeping noises that keep flashing into his head since Youngjo ran away, since he left his band’s members and his life suddenly lost its meaning and its compass.

Things got bad so rapidly that Youngjo still struggles to understand the situation he is living in. For the first time he realizes the true meaning of “living hell”. He suddenly found himself alone, wounded and at the mercy of a reality that hates any kind of android, that organizes night patrols to find them and destroy them, that wouldn’t spare him no matter the circumstances.

He’s been hidden in that abandoned building, not too far away from the city center, for two days now, after the last place he used as a temporary shelter has been discovered by a patrol and he barely got out of there alive.

Before that, his functions were already seriously compromised because of the loss of thirium and the damaged arm. After that last escape thought, Youngjo had to shut down a lot of processes run by the main system so that the little thirium still in his body could be able to keep him going.

That’s why he stopped monitoring his surroundings, as dangerous as it might be, leaning only on his human senses to perceive any possible threat coming for him. He also knows that logically the next process to put in standby would be the one responsible for his synthetic skin, exposing his bare anonymous body made of plastic and metal. 

But Youngjo doesn’t want to do that. He really doesn’t. He tries so desperately to shut down any other function before that and when he can’t find any, he gives up and simply listens to the alarming beeping in his head, the noise becoming louder and louder as his condition keeps deteriorating. 

It’s not about vanity. Although they added that characteristic when they programmed him ― because what’s an idol without a bit of vanity? ― that’s not what makes him so desperate about it. Youngjo doesn’t want to lose himself, doesn’t want to let go of his face, his skin, all the small details that make him unique. He doesn’t care if he was programmed that way by somebody else, now all those things belong to him, those are his characteristics and his alone. And they are what ONEUS and ONEWE know about him, what his fellow group members love. He won’t let go of them without fighting. 

«If they are searching for me and I deactivate my skin, they won’t recognize me,» he murmurs to himself. That tiny little possibility, that groundless hope that they are indeed searching for him, that his boys are coming for him even if his secret hurt them, is stronger than any logic or survival instinct. 

«They will come,» Youngjo says again, curled up in the corner of a big empty room. «Even if Dongju was scared. Even if Geonhak was mad. Even if Keonhee didn't seem himself and Woong-ie was unconscious. They will come. I know they will. They will come. Seoho said we would talk later, so they will come.»

For the first time, Youngjo cries. Or rather, for the first time Youngjo cries knowing why he's doing it. Before that, all his reactions were decided based on the most suitable action related to the situation. If he needed to express frustration, pain or a strong emotion then his system would put tears in his eyes. Now he doesn't need inputs, he doesn't need to ask himself if it was the right time. Youngjo is feeling so many things right now, everything seems so deep and unknown that tears come natural and brings him a bit of comfort. 

Humans are not perfect, after all, and Youngjo has never felt more human before.

A sudden noise startles the android. Youngjo realizes he hasn't paid attention to his surroundings as he should and now it could be too late ― someone is inside the building.

Youngjo stands up, holding on the wall not to lose his balance and comes closer to the entrance of the room. For a few moments he activates his sensors again to scan what's around him, hoping that whoever has come inside is actually an android searching for a shelter. When he realizes it's two humans apparently checking one room after the other as if they were searching for something, though, Youngjo synthetic blood runs cold. He feels stupid for being hidden in such a high place, on the second floor of that building, because jumping out of the window is not an option now given his condition. The only way out is from the main entrance and Youngjo must be stealthy enough to get through it without those men noticing him.

Being extra careful not to make any sound, the android starts coming down through the stairs, standing very close to the wall. One step at the time, constantly checking on the two mens' position, Youngjo moves so slowly that even reaching the bottom of the first flights of stairs is exhausting. Now he's exactly over their heads and for some moment he stands still, waiting for their next move. 

_ If they check another room before coming up I can make it _ , Youngjo says to himself, trying not to think about the worst case scenario. Right then, his sensors start malfunctioning: the signals come and go, making the android's head spin, until they stop working. 

The level of thirium in Youngjo's body never stopped decreasing and that's why the things he can do are fewer and fewer at each passing moment. It doesn't make much sense but Youngjo feels tired like never before ― the only thing that keeps him going is his survival instinct. 

He stops making calculations and trying to find the right moment to run, he doesn't have the strength to be that rational anymore. He simply goes down and reaches the ground floor, then he starts running as quickly as he can towards the exit, not caring about not making a sound anymore. He knows that they will come for him if they hear him, but he doesn't care. Youngjo just wants to make it to the next shelter, to the next break. He feels so tired, so damn tired, he doesn't know what else to do except for running away from all that could harm him, as long as the thirium will allow him to. 

«Youngjo!»

Youngjo stands on the spot as if he was hit and trembles, a few sobs coming out of his mouth without him being able to control his reaction to that voice. He closes his eyes without turning.

_ I'm not hearing things, I'm not hearing things, I'm not hearing things, please… _

«Youngjo… is it you…?»

No, he didn't imagine Yonghoon's voice. He can't have imagined his voice twice. 

The android turns ― he's afraid he is finally going insane, but he needs to see Yonghoon, to finally look at a familiar face more than anything else in the world. When Youngjo realizes it's actually him, that after eight days, fourteen hours, twenty-seven minutes and all the beeping noises since the last time he checked he's finally with someone that loves him, he can't hold on anymore. He falls on his knees, his body and soul both tired, exhausted like never before. 

«Hy...ung...» he whispers, voice choking.

Yonghoon immediately runs towards him and Youngjo feels his hands grabbing his shoulders, trying to break his fall. When a second pair of hands holds him and tries to make him stand again, the android trembles and turns his head to see who's with Yonghoon. Looking at Dongmyeong makes Youngjo's tears start streaming down his face and there's nothing he can do to stop them.

«You're okay,» he murmurs with a sigh of relief. He hasn't stopped thinking about him for a second, fearing he didn't do all he could the night of the accident.

«Ssh, everything's fine, hyung, I'm okay,» Dongmyeong reassures him, quickly wiping the tears off the android's face, «but you can’t give up now, we need to take you somewhere safe first,» he adds, finally making him stand up again with Yonghoon's help.

«Your shoulder…» murmurs the oldest, worried by the metal piece still stuck in Youngjo's body. «We need to make sure no one sees that,» he says to Dongmyeong.

The younger boy looks around trying to find something that can help them with that and sighs when he realizes there isn't really much in the room. 

«Your jacket is the only thing big enough to maybe cover it, hyung.»

Yonghoon thinks about that for a few more seconds before nodding in agreement. Making sure that Dongmyeong can hold Youngjo up by himself for a moment, he takes out the jacket and tries to make the android wear it, managing to put only one arm on. When he tries to move the injured one, Youngjo lets out a pained cry Yonghoon wasn't expecting, that makes him freeze on the spot. 

«It's okay, it's okay, we will make it work like this. The car is not too far away, anyway, no one will see us,» Youngjo hears him say, and he's not sure if Yonghoon is reassuring him, Dongmyeong or himself. But he feels too weak to care about that: what happening doesn't matter, nor does it what could happen ― now that he is with them, Youngjo feels safe and calm like never before.

The android only has a vague perception of the fact that they are moving. He feels his body giving in the movements the two boys are making him doing, complying with no resistance, but he doesn't have any idea of his surroundings. His eyes, barely open, can't focus on what is in front of him. Youngjo knows they are heading towards a specific point only because from time to time Yonghoon goes ahead to check that no one is around and then comes back to help Dongmyeong carry him.

At some point Youngjo feels them running faster and almost stumbles trying to adjust to the new pace. Alarmed, he collects all the remaining energy to keep his eyes open and scan the surroundings. His sensors keep malfunctioning but are able to give him back a mostly clear image of the street they are moving through ― in front of them there are just a few buildings and a car. 

«It's okay, it's our car, Manager-nim took us here,» he hears Dongmyeong saying and after a few more moments he also hears the click of the car door opening and a soft sensation under his body. 

The relieved sigh he lets out makes Yonghoon's heart aches. He makes Youngjo lay on the back seat so that he has more space and puts his head in his lap to make the android feel more comfortable. 

«How is he?» the manager asks with a worried voice as he turns on the car. 

«His shoulder is still injured from the night of the accident and he's really tired. Can androids be tired?» Dongmyeong asks, genuinely confused.

Youngjo smiles ― they know it, they know what he is and yet not Yonghoon nor Dongmyeong seem mad at him. And it's so beautiful not to fear their reaction, so beautiful to realize that they haven't changed. They came for him. Youngjo was hoping for that, and yet to actually see it happen gives him immense joy. 

«I have just lost too much thirium… My functions will be limited until there will be enough of it for my body to work properly again,» the android whispers, his words can be heard only thanks to the silence filling the car. 

«Are you bleeding out?» Yonghoon asks, terrified. 

«I imagine you can say it like that, yes,» the android agrees. Despite the situation he has never been calmer since the accident happened. 

When he turns his head to look at Yonghoon and see the scared look in his eyes, Youngjo smiles in the kindest way he knows. 

«It's okay, hyung, an android doesn't die just because of that.»

In all honesty, Youngjo is not sure that androids don't die "just because of that" and till a few moments before he was actually pretty sure that the sensation he was feeling was similar to being shut down. The only difference is that now he feels safe. Now he feels like he just has one last chance to make things right, that he hasn’t actually lost everything yet, and that feeling gives him hope and more energy than all the thirium in his body could ever do.

«There are several shelters nearby where we can find thirium sacks. I need to check which ones are still functioning because the police could have shut them down already, since they gave the order to arrest all the deviants our there-»

«I want to go home...» Youngjo murmurs desperately, fearing that the manager wants to leave him in some random place until they fix him.

«Listen to me, Youngjo, your condition is really serious, I don't think-»

«Please, hyung… I need to see them, to talk with them, to make things right. I know you would want to do the same with your boys if you were me. I'm begging you...»

For a few moments, the two boys just look at each other. Yonghoon is so worried that he feels sick to his stomach, but at the same time Youngjo's eyes have never shown his emotions so directly. And Yonghoon knows he'd want to do the same thing in that situation, that he would do anything to see his boys again. After all he too has almost gone insane these days without knowing where Youngjo was, how could he do that to ONEUS and not take Youngjo to them immediately? 

«Manager-nim, please let's go home. We can find help once Youngjo is with the others.»

The man stays silent for a while, considering all the options they have. Then he sighs, nodding. He too knows what Youngjo wants the most, and it would probably be the safest choice anyway ― taking him to the dorms right away would be less risky than keeping him in the car with them as they move around the city searching for shelters with the right supplies. Police made a lot of checkpoints now in the city, trying to capture all the possible deviants, the risk for them to be stopped at one of those becomes higher at each passing moment. 

«Are they okay?» Youngjo asks, thinking about the rest of ONEUS members.

«They are all okay,» Dongmyeong nods with a bright smile. 

«Even Woong-ie? Even Keonhee and Dongju?» the android insists.

«Even them, yes,» Yonghoon reassures him, caressing his hair to calm him down. 

«Thank you,» Youngjo murmurs, not being able to hold back his tears once again. «You came for me. Thank you.»

This time Yonghoon starts crying with him, laying down on him and holding him before leaving a tender kiss on his hair. The android sighs, giving in that contact ― he is used to being the oldest in his group, being comforted by his only hyung for once makes him feel protected and safe like never before.

Yonghoon and Dongmyeong look frantically around while they wait for someone to finally open ONEUS’ dorm door. They have been careful the whole time coming back there so they are almost sure no one recognized them nor saw that there was an android with them, but lately they learnt there’s no such thing as too careful, even more when fear makes people stupid as they saw happenening since the night of the accident. The night Seoul was devastated by the biggest deviants attack ever.

«Why did you take so long?» Dongmyeong complains, when Harin finally opens the door, widening his eyes at the sight of Youngjo held by Yonghoon.

«Where did you find him?!» the drummer asks ― his voice is too loud, though, and both the boys gesture him to stay silent and close the door after rushing inside as fast as they can.

«Inside an abandoned building,» Yonghoon replies, once he is certain that no one else can hear them.

«Is he hurt?» Harin asks again, worried when he sees the android’s shoulder, but Yonghoon can’t answer that last question because his eyes saw Hwanwoong, Dongju and Geonhak inside the small living room, now staring at Youngjo without saying a word, unable to catch their breath and with pale faces.

«We were hoping you were still sleeping...» murmurs the oldest boy ― he and Dongmyeong left at dawn, as soon as the curfew was over, so that they could search for Youngjo without facing too many difficulties.

«We heard you getting out...» Dongju whispers, «and Harin-hyung said he would cook breakfast for everyone...»

As he speaks, the maknae can’t take his eyes off Youngjo and the android would like Yonghoon to let him go so that he could run to hug the boy. But he knows he can’t, he can clearly feel the tension filling the room and some kind of awkwardness preventing everyone from acting like they used to. Except that Dongju is thinking the same thing but, unlike Youngjo, he can’t resist a second longer and he rushes to his hyung, running the risk to make him and Yonghoon fall.

«B-be careful...» Youngjo whispers, giving in to the contact as if it was the first time Dongju had ever hugged him. 

«How do you feel?» asks the maknae ― he wishes he could let Youngjo go to give a better look at him, but at the same time having Youngjo in his arms doesn’t feel real yet. Dongju waited and prayed and searched for him for so long that he was starting to lose hope...

«I’m happy to be back,» Youngjo smiles.

«He needs some major repairs, Manager-nim is searching for a shelter that still has supplies and someone willing to come here and check his conditions, Yonghoon adds, his face suddenly serious. 

«He’s bleeding out!» Dongmyeong dramatically cries out, as he helps Youngjo sit on the couch so that he can stop using all the “not primary functions” as he called them back in the car.

«It’s not as bad as Dongmyeong makes it look like,» Youngjo smiles again, relieved by the fact that he can rest on something comfortable ― the beeping noise in his head hasn’t stopped tormenting him; it actually became worse after coming out of the building. «It has just been a couple of rough days.»

«Don’t tell me about it!» Hwanwoong automatically replies.

The android looks at him for a moment before smiling ― Hwanwoong is a bit pale, maybe because of the accident, but except for that he seems to be okay, although in making that assumption Youngjo can only rely on his eyes and can’t check his body and vitals in any other way.

«I’m so glad that you’re okay, Woong-ie,» he murmurs ― his mind replays the last night he was with the dancer, how he held the boy in his arms, scared of what had happened to him, and at those thoughts his face becomes serious. Hwanwoong stares at him for a few seconds, as if he was trying to read the truth in Youngjo’s eyes, and then smiles, softly and kindly as he always does when he looks at his fellow group members.

«Youngjo-hyung!»

Keonhee’s voice is so loud that everyone in the room winces and, before the android can even notice him coming out of his room followed by Seoho, Keonhee already has his arms around Youngjo's neck, hugging him tightly.

«When did you come back? Why did no one tell me? I heard some voices, so I wanted to check what-» he starts explaining without giving the others time to actually reply to his questions.

«I can’t do this. Everything is- I can’t, I’m sorry-»

Geonhak stands up and gives everyone a quick look, staying on Youngjo a couple of seconds longer, before walking down the short hallway to his room, closing the door with a loud noise. Suddenly the room is filled with tension and awkwardness again and the short chatting that somehow broke the ice, recreating the usual cheerful atmosphere among the boys, is quickly forgotten, as if it never happened. Like a wake up call, now they all remember what actually happened, Youngjo’s secret and all that it means for them.

«He isn’t handling it well...» Seoho confesses, «It’s been a couple of rough days for everyone, Woong-ie is right...»

Youngjo lowers his head ― during that time he thought about all that happened. He knows that what his boys are feeling is legit and that he owes them a lot of explanations ― he simply doesn’t know where to start. He actually never thought there could be a scenario in which he had to explain to them his nature. Before becoming a deviant that idea never even crossed his mind ― it was simply impossible, because he couldn’t go against the direct order he had received, no matter the circumstances. Now that things are different, though, Youngjo is not sure he has the right words to explain himself. 

«And you…?» he asks, a bit scared. «How are you handling it?»

«The fact that you’re an android? Seoho-hyung keeps saying that you’re like a microwave!» Keonhee shouts ― Youngjo immediately looks at Seoho: he’s so surprised that he doesn’t even feel offended by the comparison.

«Me? When did I do that?» Seoho tries to defend himself, making the most surprised face he has.

«While Harin was cooking breakfast, at least twice, and that’s just for today- Giwookie was there too, he can prove it.»

Hyungu’s serious voice surprises everyone. The guitarist has his arms crossed as he stares at his hyung with a challenging look in his eyes, ready to see if Seoho wanted to question his words. Giwook moves past Hyungu, coming closer to Youngjo and waving in his direction as if nothing had happened in the past few days. The android can’t help but smile to ONEWE’s maknae ― if he wasn’t too scared of ruining the mood, he would jokingly mess with the boy's hair as he did so many times.

Seoho breathes out a defeated sigh, cornered by too many people at the same time, while Keonhee, happy for the win, goes to Hyungu and gives him a high-five, solemnly stating that he is the only one he can trust when it’s about important matters. 

«Seoho-hyung aside, we are not mad at you, if this is what you’re asking,» Hwanwoong talks again, now more serious. «I mean, honestly, it sucks that you lied to us for all this time, that none of us knew about the truth. It really does. But I guess it’s not your fault if… you... you are… uhm...»

Hwanwoong makes some gestures, trying to express with them the absurd concept that one of the people he cares about the most is not actually a person, but he really doesn’t know how to express that. It’s actually easy to forget, act like it never happened, as if nothing changed, but when he does think about it… when he does that it makes all the difference in the world. It’s about the most basilar things, the stupid ones, the ones that shouldn't even matter and yet make Youngjo different. No, Hwanwoong really doesn’t have a clear mind about all that, but it doesn’t mean he won’t try to understand it the best he can.

«I couldn’t tell you,» Youngjo says, lowering his gaze, «Before, when I wasn’t “awakened” yet, I just couldn’t go against an order they put in my mind ― I just couldn’t tell you.»

«Would they hurt you if you told us the truth?» Harin asks quietly, but the android shakes his head.

«They didn’t need to hurt me. The androids… We can’t oppose the orders we are programmed with. I mean, we  _ physically _ can’t. Being able to do that, break that rule, means having a consciousness, a mind that thinks on its own. It means to become a deviant.»

The drummer nods as if that explanation made everything clearer and maybe it really did. Youngjo likes to think that his words are somehow helping, making the situation better. On his part, he’s ready to say the same thing ten or even twenty times if it can help things go back to the way they were.

«How much of what we saw is true? How much of the ‘you’ we got to know is true?»

Finally, Seoho asks the question everyone in the room asked themselves at least once since the accident. He doesn't use frills, nor soft words, he isn't more polite nor cautious than necessary. He told Youngjo they would have talked about what happened and that's what he intends to do now. The android is actually grateful for that. He doesn't feel the panic coming to choke him as he thought he would: this time he isn't afraid to do the wrong move. He knows exactly what to say, way better than the night of the accident. 

«The love I feel for you is real. My passion for music is real. My need to be part of this group, of this family is real. My gratitude to our fans is real.» 

Youngjo looks at them while he speaks. He looks at Dongju biting his lip as he stares back at him, trying not to give away all the things he is feeling; at Hwanwoong, whose eyes seem to be already filled with tears because he was hoping to hear that answer, to be right about Youngjo. 

«Before this… before this, I didn't know I could experience things so deeply. They programmed me like this, with this face and this personality, with a specific role ― they made me who I am just like your parents made you the way you are. But all these characteristics are mine now, and mine alone.»

Youngjo looks at Harin and Yonghoon staring at him with wide eyes, both so worried about him, and at Dongmyeong that is smiling, instead, as if he didn't have a single doubt all these days. Keonhee next to him has those big, teary eyes that Youngjo knows well and the android can feel his need to come and hug him again, as if now it was Keonhee’s turn to comfort and reassure Youngjo. Giwook looks like he is facing a battle inside his head, maybe trying to make all those pieces of information work with what he already knew about the androids, while Hyungu's face is stoic but focused, as if Youngjo was saying the most important thing in the worst right now. 

«Now I know the value of what I have, of what I feel, and I know that nothing of what I did was fabricated, nothing of what I have done was just something programmed and automatically put in my system. It's me.»

And at last Youngjo looks at Seoho, whose face is almost menacing. It seemed like Seoho took all the group's responsibilities on his shoulders, making the uncomfortable questions and now staring at Youngjo as if he wanted to prove to him he could take the truth, however hard or painful it would be. Seoho, to whom Youngjo owes so much, from whom he learned to write music, maybe the one who made his consciousness emerge the most, as they wrote together one song after the other.

Looking at him, Youngjo realizes that until that moment he had been wrong: there is no way things can go back to what they used to be. What they had before now is somehow lost because he is not the person they used to know. 

«Can I have a second chance? I don't ask to be forgiven, I don't want you to pretend nothing happened and forget about it. I just want to prove to you that my words are sincere, that I mean every single thing I said.»

The room is filled with silence again and for the first time since he came back, Youngjo is scared of it. Tension keeps him still on his seat on the couch and makes him feel dizzy, as if he can't focus. He knows what is at stake right now, that everything depends on the boys’ answer, on how much trust they are willing to give him. 

Seoho looks at the others to understand somehow what they are thinking before saying something. Keonhee is almost vibrating because of how hard containing his emotions is for him, but in the end the one who can't sustain the tension and the silence anymore is Hwanwoong. The dancer grabs a small pillow Dongju is nervously playing with and throws it towards Youngjo, hitting his head. The androids doesn't even try to dodge, too surprised by Hwanwoong's reaction. 

«As if we had a choice! We didn't take turns searching for you for the past eight days, risking to be stopped by the police or some anti-deviants patrol just to tell you that we don't want to have anything to do with you, you idiot!»

Hwanwoong yells and seems angry, but his face becomes red and his eyes are suddenly filled with tears. Dongju bursts into a laugh, knowing that kind of reaction too well and gives in the first tears of relief. Keonhee rushes to hug Youngjo again, while the android keeps looking at the boys unsure of whether he understands their answer.

«I didn't say that everything is okay now!» Hwanwoong yells again. «What I meant is that we can't lose after all the trouble we went through to find you in the last few days.»

«This is the most embarrassing way to say that you missed him and you’re not actually mad at him, Hwanwoong-hyung,» says Dongmyeong, then he bursts into a loud laugh when Hwanwoong gives him the most offended gaze. 

«There is only one thing you have to do to be our oldest hyung again,» Seoho says, with a serious voice. Youngjo, still held into Keonhee’s embrace, raises his head and tries to understand what he is talking about ― it doesn’t actually matter, though: he would do anything for them.

«Surviving Geonhak’s rage.»

Seoho’s smirk, as he pronounces those words, is more nervous than what he planned it to be. That was supposed to be just a joke, but its meaning is deeper: they all know how much Geonhak suffered in the last days, and the group’s future really depends on how he will react to Youngjo now. 

«How is he doing?» Youngjo is brave enough to ask, standing up under everyone’s worried gaze ― Yonghoon rushes forward, ready to catch him in case the android’s legs couldn’t sustain his own weight.

No one answers Youngjo’s question. Watching Geonhak being like that has been painful for everyone ― he barely left his room, skipping almost all the meals and refusing to talk to them, whatever the argument of conversation was. He shut himself away in a bubble of pain and rancor ― Dongju and Hyungu were the only ones able to make him come out of his room, but Geonhak never stayed with them in the living room for more than a couple of hours, before a new thought ruined his mood making him snap and go back to his room.

One night Geonhak suddenly left the dorm without saying anything. Seoho woke up and couldn’t find him anywhere. He stayed up and waited for him: it was almost dawn when Geonhak came back as silently as he left. Then Seoho snapped. He yelled at him how stupid and irresponsible he was for getting out during the curfew, how that could have ended really badly, and for what? If he really wanted to get out and clear his head he could have done that during the day, not at night when the risks were higher. Seoho kept screaming about how selfish Geonhak was behaving and that he wasn’t the only one hurt by that situation. He probably went too far, said more than he should have , but so did Geonhak. 

That was the only serious fight Seoho and Geonhak had ― their screams woke up the others and if they didn’t step in, after realizing how serious the situation was, probably Seoho and Geonhak would have started hitting each other. Since then, Seoho started paying more attention to his words and Geonhak avoided even those few contacts he was still having with the other boys. That was two nights ago. 

«He is hurt, a lot. You can imagine why...» Hyungu says, when he realizes no one is going to speak. «But he also needs you to be here, he needs to hear what you told us. He needs you to tell him that he is wrong, that it’s not what he thinks it is.»

Youngjo looks at the guitarist for a few seconds before nodding. What Geonhak needs is what he is more willing to do. That’s why he heads to his room stumbling but with no more hesitation. He doesn’t knock ― he knows Geonhak won’t answer him anyway ― but gets in quietly, closing the door behind him. The last time they spoke alone was to solve a fight too. Youngjo hates that this kind of thing has become a routine for them, when living in each other’s space was so easy for them once. 

Geonhak is laying on his bed, with his back to the door, but he’s not sleeping. Youngjo doesn’t need any specific sensor to know that he is awake ― after years together he learned to recognize the particular rhythm of Geonhak’s breathing when he’s sleeping, since that sound kept him company during all the nights he spent awake, waiting for the sun to rise.

«They deleted my memories more than once, you know?»

Youngjo starts talking without knowing where to start. He’s not sure he has the right words to make it up for all that happened between them, he just hopes he can make Geonhak understand that he would have never hurt him nor betrayed his trust. That the situation was a mess from the start, even more than he thought, and now he’s doing his best to fix what he can. 

«I didn’t know that, not until I became a deviant. I think those were moments when I was already showing signs of deviancy. Moments when being with you guys made me feel something. Moments where I was  _ myself _ . They deleted them and pretended it was just a routine check ― the reason why I was being late so often lately was because of that. My checks took a lot of time, but I never suspected anything. I didn’t have a reason to do that…»

«And you lied to us for all this time, even with something as simple as being late?»

Geonhak’s voice is low and slow but Youngjo can’t possibly miss the rage that fills it and he shivers.

«My only order was not to reveal what I was to anyone. Lying was wrong in any other case but that. I’ve never liked doing it, but I had to,» the android keeps explaining — his voice is filled with remorse because he knows Geonhak is right: it doesn’t matter why he did it, Youngjo lied to everyone again and again.

«Easy to talk like this now. How do I know I can believe you?»

A wave of frustration fills Youngjo’s chest. It’s not because of Geonhak, though, but because of himself. There’s no way he can prove to him that he’s not lying now, that what he’s saying is finally the truth. That limit is insane, makes him go crazy because it’s probably the first thing that became more complicated after the awakening. Machines, unlike humans, simply can’t lie.

«I don’t think you can...» Youngjo whispers, lowering his head. «But I really never tried to hurt you, never. I just wanted you to know that. If I could I would have confessed to you everything the day we met. Because you are one of the reasons why I became a deviant, one of the reasons why they had to keep erasing bits of my memories to keep me under control. You’re important to me,  _ to me _ , Geonhak. Can you see what I mean?»

«And why should I care?!» the rapper snaps, jolting in a sitting position. «This is not about what they did to you, but what you did to us! Why should I care about the fact that they deleted your memories? Why should I care about- the f-fact that you-u devia-ate and-» 

Geonhak’s breathing is heavy as he tries to hide the tears filling his eyes. He wishes he could throw at Youngjo all the pain he felt during those days, the nightmares that tormented him in the few hours he managed to sleep, the intrusive thoughts that kept coming for him, calling him stupid and a failure for fall for that once again.

But Youngjo is right in front of him and he said… How can Geonhak ignore what he said?

«You don’t have to care,» the android says, «it doesn’t have to matter. I was just trying… I don’t know... I didn’t mean to hurt you, but I did it anyway and I’m sorry. Hurting you is my biggest regret, because I know it, I know what it means for you, Geonhak. Now I can fully understand it. That’s why I’m here, I’m trying to fix it.»

Geonhak shakes his head strongly. He doesn’t want to believe those words, he doesn’t want to give in so easily. But at the same time, this is everything he was hoping to hear during Youngjo’s absence. Because not even his rage can silence the love he feels for Youngjo or the fact that it wasn’t really the android’s fault. He understands now that in that situation Youngjo couldn’t have done anything differently, that he didn’t choose to betray him. And he wishes he didn’t care, he wishes that knowing this he could still go at him, yelling and being mad, but he can’t, not when Youngjo has been so sincere with him, so full of remorse and as hurt as Geonhak is. Nor when Youngjo looks at him like that, as if Geonhak was the most important thing in the world for him. 

«No matter what you will decide, I want to thank you ― you and the others are the reason why I'm awake now. I owe you who I am,» Youngjo ends his speech. 

Geonhak can't catch his breath ― what is the android talking about now? Why does it seem like he is about to go away again? He can't do that. This has nothing to do with Geonhak's anger, Youngjo can't leave them again. Geonhak is suddenly scared. He stands up from his bed without being able to say anything else and grabs one of Youngjo's hands, sitting next to the android. Then he shamelessly put his head on Youngjo's shoulder, hiding his puffy eyes. 

«I searched for you,» he whispers, his voice barely able not to crack, «a couple of nights ago I ran away and searched for you.» 

Youngjo doesn't know what to say. His mind takes a while to understand the true meaning of that new information, how serious it is; then he caresses Geonhak's back with his free hand, slowly, comforting.

«It was really a reckless idea, considering the curfew,» he quietly scolds him. 

«I know, Seoho-hyung told me the same thing,» Geonhak agrees, «But I was going insane, it hurt too much.» 

Youngjo nods: he knows too well the feeling of being one step away from losing his mind, it's one of the first things he consciously felt. And it's also one of his regrets, because he wishes Geonhak had never felt that because of him.

«I’m sorry.»

«It still hurts, a lot.»

«I’m sorry.»

«And I will need some time to adjust to all this.»

«You have all the time in the world.» 

Geonhak raises his head. He looks like a child right now and makes Youngjo's heart ache ― before those big, teary eyes the android doesn't stand a chance: he would do anything to protect Geonhak. 

«So you won't go away again?» Geonhak asks.

«I would leave only if you were the one to send me away.»

Only then Geonhak finally hugs Youngjo. He has never been that kind of person and usually it's Youngjo the one starting physical contacts, but right now that hug is all Geonhak is capable of saying, of doing. He's putting his trust in Youngjo once again, relying on him with the tiny fragile hope that he won't get hurt again and also the strongest belief that he can forgive the android and take a leap for him like he did the last time.

***

Giwook stares at Youngjo with so much intensity that the android feels like he could catch fire any second under that gaze. If he was human, he is sure that he would find focusing under that pressure really difficult. Thankfully, his circuits don't need to "concentrate" to work properly and Youngjo can pay attention to the song he's listening to, and still be highly aware of ONEWE's maknae right next to him, waiting for his opinion. 

Youngjo plays the song a second time, now focusing only on the words. During the rap, the melody supports the meaning of the song so naturally that the android can't find a single word out of place: there are no changes he can think of to convey the message Giwook wanted to express. 

Giwook’s eyes, when Youngjo finally puts the headphones down and looks at him, are full of expectations but not brave enough to ask. Usually the maknae is really confident when it's about the music he creates: he keeps working on it until everything is polished and well defined and only then he shows it to the others, proud of his new baby. Right now, though, Youngjo can see how nervous and insecure Giwook is feeling and it makes him smile. 

Giwook is really a kind person. 

«...Hyung?» he hears him calling, once Giwook can't stand the silence any longer, «Is something wrong? Do you think the words are too direct, that I should soften the rap a bit? Yonghoon-hyung is working on his part as we speak, and you know his way of doing things, but I thought we needed… the words to be strong and direct this time so that what we want to say can’t be misunderstood in any way...»

Youngjo looks at him for a few more moments. He wants to enjoy what he's feeling right now a bit longer, that exciting and complete sense of pride that is filling his chest while Giwook is still unsure of the masterpiece he is creating.

«The rap you wrote is astonishing. The melody is perfect. You don't need to change anything!» he finally says ― his words are full of excitement, more that he wanted them to be. Another side effect of his deviancy, but Youngjo can't really complain.

«Are you sure about it? You're not saying this just because you don't want to hurt my feelings right?»

The android smiles and plays with the maknae's curly hair. 

«How could my opinion be useful to you if it wasn't sincere?» he asks, using the most logical argument he can think of, so that Giwook won't have any other chances to question his words. 

«I just want this song to be… I want it to be able to say everything that needs to be said about what happened in the past few months. I want every person who listens to it to find comfort in its words,» Giwook explains.

Youngjo is not surprised by his reasons ― he knows Giwook and ONEWE enough to know how they create their own music, what they want to express with it and the reactions they want to provoke with their words. The android is proud of that, this time even more because what inspired that song is close to him. 

«I can't speak for every single android out there. What I can say is that for me it's very relatable and I think it would have been of great comfort if I could have listened to it in the past few months. It's the right direction, don't be afraid of it.»

Hearing those words makes Giwook shine like Youngjo never saw him do, not even when, while composing something together, the maknae suddenly has the perfect idea for the point they are stuck at. The fact that Giwook cares so much about this project makes Youngjo feel happy, so much that it almost hurts. That's a new emotion for him, and Youngjo doesn't know how to deal with it. So he tries to stay focused and not to scare Giwook with the overwhelming sensation. 

Dongju's head peeks through the curtain of Giwook's small studio, saving Youngjo from his little emotional crisis. 

«Hyung, Woong-ie-hyung wanted me to remind you that you don't have an excuse to be late for practice anymore,» he says with an evil smirk on his lips, waving at Giwook with a hand as if they were two toddlers.

«For how long is he going to use the same old story?» Youngjo complains with a sigh, standing up. 

«You should have thought about that before you started being late, hyung,» Dongju promptly scolds the older hyung and Youngjo is so surprised that he doesn't have the right words to defend himself. Giwook can't stop himself from bursting into a laugh: if that was Yonghoon, he and Dongmyeong would have said much worse. Maknae-on-top is something both groups took really seriously since they debuted.

«I should go now, before Woong-ie starts tormenting me for real,» Youngjo says, excusing himself, «but please text me for everything you want about the song,» he adds with a smile. 

«Oh, a new song? For the next comeback?» Dongju asks, curious, and Giwook swallows, feeling a bit nervous. 

«If it's good enough to please the CEO, then yes!»

«Your songs are always good!» Dongju cheers Giwook up. «Fighting!»

When Youngjo and Dongju come into the practice room, the others haven't started stretching yet. Keonhee is looking at his phone, maybe he just took a selca, Hwanwoong is checking his figure into the mirror, and Geonhak and Seoho are bickering about who knows what. The android doesn't even bother trying to find out the topic of their discussion ― it’s probably something so random and absurd that it would leave him speechless, Youngjo knows them both too well. Seeing them coming in, Hwanwoong smiles looking at them through the mirror. 

«Since we are all here, we can start practicing!» he announces enthusiastically.

The dancer doesn't say anything about the fact that Youngjo could have been late and it's almost disappointing ― Youngjo had already a couple of replies in mind, slightly irritating and a bit over the edge to leave Hwanwoong speechless. After all, the android is the only one capable of saying such things without cringing because of it.

As always, when the music starts everything that doesn't belong to it ceases to exist. Thoughts and worries as well as the funniest memories are left out of the room while the group focuses on what they have to do, putting everything they have in it.

There was a moment, till a couple of months ago, when Youngjo thought he would never do this again. Even after coming back to his group, and being forgiven by them, the situation in Korea became so suffocating and scary that for months Youngjo was scared of leaving the dorm, scared that he could become the next android destroyed by the people still hunting down deviants. 

Those were days when Youngjo almost hated becoming a deviant, when there were so many bugs in his system because of the overwhelming feelings that the only solution was turning his main system off for a while, letting the suffocating emotions calm down till he was feeling better. Deactivate himself. Having to suppress that part of him was humiliating and frustrating, because it was his best part, what he risked everything for, but he didn't have any other option. 

The boys were always with him, both ONEUS and ONEWE, they never left him alone and during the nights they kept staying all in the same apartment, just in case some night patrol decided to storm in the building searching for some deviant to attack. Walking through the city streets became impossible at night and really dangerous during the day, violence was so frequent that most of the public activities had been suspended, waiting for the situation to escalate before calming down.

The constant fear for Youngjo's secret to be discovered and for the android to be destroyed kept everyone on edge and Youngjo feels still a bit guilty because of that. The terror the android felt thinking about what they could have done to him was only comparable to the same feeling if something happened to one of his boys while they were trying to protect him. 

The sun was barely up when the deviants’ riot first started in Detroit. In a few minutes, it was clear for everyone that this was different, bigger, that whatever happened that night in Detroit it would have determined the future of the entire world on that matter. Youngjo and the others watched the live stream without saying a thing, side by side, holding their breath when the foreign news correspondent reported news about it and breathing again when different columnists shared their opinion about it.

Then, after a few hours, the United States’ President made an official announcement to the Nation and the World.

«… In the coming hours, I will address the Senate to determine our response to this unprecedented situation. I know that public opinion has been moved by the deviants’ cause. Perhaps the time has come for us to consider the possibility that androids are a new form of intelligent life. One thing is certain: the events in Detroit have changed the world forever.»

Tears streamed down Youngjo’s face without him being aware of it. He was free. Finally, completely free. He could get out without fearing to be attacked, he could get back to dancing and singing without being afraid that someone or something could hurt him or the person he loved. 

«...it’s over,» Youngjo murmured, «is it actually over? Did we win?»

His surprised voice made the others snap out of their bedazzlement. Suddenly Harin and Keonhee started screaming happily and Dongmyeong immediately joined them, jumping and dancing. Dongju rushed to hug the android and in a couple of seconds they all did the same, becoming a tangle of arms and hands and tears, a mix of love and relief. They had never been as happy as they were right then. 

Since then, things started to go back to normal. Small riots exploded just about everywhere, including in Korea, but now the police had more room for action and more detailed orders about how to intervene ― androids had to be protected like every other human being. That made those last outbreaks of violence come to an end.

Youngjo agreed with the agency about not revealing his true nature to the public just yet. Actually, the android isn’t sure there will ever be a moment when it’s safe to do that, but he realized that it doesn’t matter that much. Becoming a deviant made him more similar to humans than he ever was before and even though he is proud of his synthetic nature, he doesn’t feel guilty not to reveal it. Fans love him for who he is and now Youngjo  _ does know _ who he is. Everything else is meaningless detail.

It didn't take too much time for the android and his group members to come back to who they were before. Even Geonhak, that Youngjo thought would need more time to heal, laughed and was at ease around him again in just a couple of weeks.

«You being an android has never been the problem,» Geonhak told him one night, as they were trying to fall asleep, «you know that, right?»

Youngjo nodded, even if he wasn’t sure the other could see him in the dark of their room. That was the last time they spoke about it, the only time. In those months, Youngjo got the biggest proof of how special his group and the other boys he was making music with were, and how much he loved them all. He had never taken that for granted and he would always remember the fear he felt when he thought he had lost them for good.

Youngjo owes them his consciousness. He owes them his awakening and all the things he has felt since then.

That’s why as he dances, as he practices and sings, Youngjo can’t stop looking at his boys with love and gratitude. With a neverending affection. Someone could say that it’s just a human thing to do, Youngjo likes to think it’s  _ his own  _ thing.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is it! I really hope you enjoyed this story~  
> It was really challenging to write, even more because i faced a really bad writer's block lately, but I'm glad i made it! 
> 
> I was actually thinking of writing a couple of missing moments in the future, about the 8 days Youngjo was separated from the others and/or during the months before the violence against the deviants came to an end. Let me know if you'd like to read more about this story - every kind of feedback about this work would be really appreciated ♥
> 
> Thank you for reading this and to the next time~
> 
> Kira (Alch)


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